If you're already depressed, don't read this post

The sky was dimming as I left work today. It wasn’t evening yet, but the afternoon was effectively shot. That’s how it is in Minnesota, the first Monday after the time change. It’s always a shock, like somebody dropping something on your roof with a thump.

One of these years the first big blizzard will occur on the first Monday after Fall Back. And when that happens, half the population of the Great Plains will commit seppuku in concert.

The guy who runs the used book shop I patronize recommended the author Phillip Margolin to me, noticing that I’d pretty much run through all the Jonathan Kellerman. So I picked up Wild Justice.

Short review, after 45 pages: Hackwork. Uninspired writing and flat characters. I’m not going to finish it. Since I’ve decided to stop buying books for a while, to save money, I’m going to finish Volume Two of C. S. Lewis’ Letters now, and then I plan to re-read The Lord of the Rings.

On Saturday I drove down to Faribault to join Aunt Ada and Uncle Ralph, along with several of their children and grandchildren, for a committal service for an uncle and aunt I’ll call… oh, George and Martha. George passed away recently and was cremated, and while cleaning out his apartment Cousin Brian found Martha’s ashes in a cupboard. So they arranged to inter them together in my maternal grandparents’ plot.

My brother Moloch, who as you may recall is a pastor in The Very Large Lutheran Church Body Which Shall Remain Nameless, led a short service. We sang “Abide With Me” and “Amazing Grace” in a chilly breeze.

Moloch is sanguine about George and Martha’s final destinations. He’s a sacramentalist, believing that once you’re baptized you’re pretty much guaranteed salvation unless you perform a black mass and storm the heavens or something. I found the occasion rather more melancholy than he did.

Not that George and Martha were awful people. Martha, my mother’s sister, was an extremely amiable person—desperately amiable. She was as insecure as I am, but she handled it in an equal and opposite manner. She was an incessant talker, saying anything that came into her mind anytime the conversation threatened to slacken. She believed (I always suspected) that silence would give people an opportunity to think bad things about her.

I remember her saying, one day at Grandpa’s house, “The point of any religion is to do the best you can, after all, isn’t it?”

I didn’t correct her. Kids didn’t correct adults’ theology in our family. Perhaps her blood is on my hands because of that.

George probably led a pretty good life, according to his lights. He didn’t like to work and he did like to drink. He worked some years for an agricultural implement company. When they closed down and laid him off, he gave up working, living off Martha’s small income. He had enough money to pay the rent on their shabby apartment, play some golf and drink pretty steadily. He seemed content with that.

I’d like to say something more profound about him, but I really didn’t know him. He wasn’t the kind of man you had conversations with, not sober anyway.

I’m going to stop this post here, because there’s nowhere to go that isn’t depressing.

Happy Autumn.

0 thoughts on “If you're already depressed, don't read this post”

  1. I just tried a couple of Thomas Perry books over the weekend–“Pursuit” and “Shadow Woman”–and really liked both of them. I use the library a lot, becasue I can’t afford books right now either.

    I am by no means a universalist, but I have considerable confidence in the mercies of Grace–Catholic though I may be. In any case, I’ve rarely found remonstration or technical correction to be efficacious in the reform of souls. So I doubt you have anybody’s blood on your hands.

    Get some sun lights. I have a couple of cheap, 500-watt work lights from Home Depot that I start turning on a bit after the solstice, and they make all the difference for me and for my daughter. Just be careful about the heat they generate, and bounce the light off the ceiling so you don’t accidentally look directly into the bulbs. It’ll be spring before you know it!

  2. Totally off the main of your post – but are you as frustrated as I am at the delay of volume three of Lewis’s letters? My brother pre-ordered that for me for LAST Christmas. I’m starting to think I won’t have it by Christmas 2007! And if I don’t watch my brother carefully he might try to claim it as this year’s gift.

  3. Is that the way of it? Not out yet? I went to look for Vol. 3 at a Christian bookstore and assumed they just didn’t have it in stock.

    I didn’t bother to ask anyone, needless to say.

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