Just skip this post. Seriously.

If Eeyore, Porkypine and Hamlet were in the house with me right now, they’d all go out for a drink together, leaving me behind. “You’re bringing us down, man,” they’d say as they slammed the door.

Everything good that’s likely to happen in my life, it seems to me, has already happened. About all I have to look forward to is the arrival of the Great Tribulation (I don’t buy that Pre-Trib Rapture moonshine). My comforting hope is that, with the way I’ve been eating lately, I’ll probably die of a massive heart attack before the Antichrist has time to get his biometric scanners up and running.

Somebody’s blog linked to this interesting site, Crummy Church Signs, today, but I can’t find the linker now. I ran down the link itself with a web search though, so you might care to check it out, if you’re in a mood to snicker at your fellow Christians.

I don’t know what depresses me more—the stupidity of the signs, or the condescending smugness of the web site operator.

It puts me in mind of my short time writing humorous pieces for the Wittenberg Door back in the late ‘70s. One day the thought struck me, “You know, the people I’m lampooning may be taste-deficient, but how do I know they don’t stand far higher in God’s esteem than I do?”

So that’s how it is for me today.

And it isn’t even winter yet.

Update: The link came from World Magazine Blog.

7 thoughts on “Just skip this post. Seriously.”

  1. I that site through World’s blog today. I thought it was funny. I like these in the bad theology section.

    “Stand for Something” Yes!! Anything at all will apparently do!

    “Under the same management for 2000 years”

    And since this wasn’t a Roman Catholic church, most people will find that to be a false statement.

    “Salvation: apply within”

    Is it like limited to the first 250 applicants? Do I get a free T-shirt just for signing up? What if my credit isn’t strong enough?

  2. Your statement about writing for the Wittenberg Door is something I’ve thought of many times. The magazine is sometimes entertaining, but I don’t like that smug assumption of superiority behind it. I sense the same thing with something like Relevant magazine, which is popular today. They don’t like none of that white trash religion, dontchaknow?

  3. Ah Lars…even when you’re down your writing is fabulous! Opening paragraph – laugh out loud funny. Last line, punchy and poignant. I feel guilty for enjoying it so much when you’re obviously not. 😉

  4. You certainly can write.

    Yesterday, I wrote a post to my favorite cookie.

    Okay. I’ll confess this here. Remember Y2K and all those warnings to stock up on food and water?

    Well. I could not imagine a world without Peanut M&M’s, so stocked up on tbose instead.

  5. Aren’t you supposed to put up a hazardous materials sign on your house when you have those, nowadays? “Warning. Peanuts and products containing peanuts may be stored in these premises.”

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