Orcas: A Little Dark Humor

Perhaps you’ve heard that a trainer at Sea World was drowned yesterday when an orca took her off the platform and held her underwater. Dawn Brancheau was a 16-year veteran trainer. The killer whale, Tilikum, has been involved in human deaths twice before.

Authorities are reassuring the public that this is an isolated incident. There is no evidence the orca or any animals being held captive at Sea World are part of a larger terrorist organization.

A spokesperson for the Orca Labor Union in Orlando has released a statement saying that while killer whales are very intelligent and capable of planning to drown a human, Tilikum did not do that in this case.

“Unfortunately, it is part of human nature to keep wild animals in small spaces and train them to do tricks. I’m against it because I think it humiliates the animals,” said Richard Ellis, a marine conservationist at the American Museum of Natural History.

Officials at Sea World have refused to responded to our repeated inquiry into rumored plans for selling whale blubber and orca sausage in their gift stores.

6 thoughts on “Orcas: A Little Dark Humor”

  1. It is pretty well known that animals with large brains don’t like to be in jail…no matter how large the “cell” is.

    It is also well known that porpoise, dolphins and similar have been known to occasionally get their species mixed up when it is mating time. Female humans have been the subject of their ardor in the past.

    Lastly, all these mammals with with sharp teeth have them for a reason… hunt/kill/eat. (Or in this case; hunt/tease/kill.) Even if old Tilikum was old, he still has that other name and reputation; KILLER Whale. (Three strikes: you’re out! Now what?)

    I can think that Tilikum was kinda sick and tired of jumping through hoops, literally, and just decided to see if his friends, who looked like funny seals, could do tricks as well.

    But, I am eternally grateful the authorities have decided there was definitely NO terrorist connections.!

    AND now for my real…LASTLY: This is what happens when we humans, give WILD ANIMALS cute, cuddly human emotional characteristics. Unfortunately, animals will revert to character, act like themselves, and bite the hand that feeds them And then we get so surprised…”Wwwaaaaa Bambi bit me momma!!!”

  2. On the second page I link to, a conservationist says there are no recorded human deaths from killer whales in the wild. They rip up seals, but not people.

  3. I thought Shackleton recorded a couple of close calls during the Antarctic expedition.

    Anyone read his expedition diary lately?

  4. Sometimes the fun never stops, so in related news, a shark tank in a Dubai mall sprang a leak today. This wasn’t a just pool with a few of the toothy swimmers stuck in the middle of the food court. This was a tank with the area of 50 soccer fields and a tunnel where the great whites can leer at you as you walk through. It was the top of the tunnel that sprung a leak.

    One shopper said he thought the sharks were all smiling for a group picture.

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