In which I come to the aid of the Roman Catholic Church



Photo credit: Bowling United Industries



I went to a funeral today, for the mother of an old friend. It was a sad occasion, but not the worst kind of funeral, because it was the kind where the departed was old and full of days, and the event not unexpected. They’d asked me to read the Scripture in the service, something I was happy to do. I enjoy reading in public, and a favor is none the worse for being a pleasure.

As some of us sat in the Catholic sanctuary, waiting for the priest to show up to give us our stage directions, I looked at the little card rack on the back of the pew in front of me. You’ve probably seen such things – small wooden racks just large enough to hold Communion cards (at least that’s what they use them for in my church). It had a little round hole at either end, for those stubby pencils they use, the ones that are too short to be worth anybody walking off with. There were no pencils in the holes.

I peeked down into the card reservoir, which was also empty of cards. But I could discern, in the low light, a pencil lying down at the bottom.

“Hello,” I said to myself. “There’s a pencil, in a space too small for anyone to fish it out with their fingers. If I could get it out, I could put it into one of the holes, and do a favor for the next communicant.”

So I took my pen out of my pocket and fished down in the reservoir with it. After a while I tipped the pencil up and out.

And behold, there was another pencil in there below it.

I did my work once again, and got the second pencil out. And I saw that there was a third.

When all was done, I’d fished fully six little half-pencils out of that reservoir, not only providing pencils for future worshipers, but freeing up enough space in the reservoir for them to put cards in again next Sunday. Which I’m not sure they had room for, before my search and rescue operation.

If anyone wants to nominate me for a papal medal, I am not too stern a Protestant to accept it.

0 thoughts on “In which I come to the aid of the Roman Catholic Church”

  1. This is a textbook example of heroic virtue, not to mention of a bona fide miracle–the multiplying of the graphite writing sticks. If a new feast day is not celebrated in your honor, and if you are not made patron saint of the pencil reservoir, I will write the pope a letter the likes of which Rome has not seen since Luther told Leo X where he could stick his excommunication.

  2. I’m reminded of the delightful short story “The Doughnuts” by Robert McCloskey, regarding an automatic doughnut machine with an off switch that didn’t work. At the end, after they finally managed to get it stopped, one of the characters was explaining things to his wife, and said “…and the doughnuts kept a coming and a coming and a coming…”

  3. … waiting for the priest to show up to give us our stage directions …

    As a low-church Presbyterian, this is exactly how I feel whenever I’m at a Catholic service.

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