“If it comes to a swinging, swing all, say I.”

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day, and my little family plans to catch a dozen free doughnuts at Krispy Kreme. If you talk like Long John Silver, they’ll give you a doughnut. If you dress like Blackbeard, you’ll get a dozen. That’s our mark, matey. Other establishments may have deals in your are, but Talk Like a Pirate Day is really about the office watercooler.

“Dead men don’t bite,” you might say to your shipmate who won’t throw you overboard. “Heaven, you fool? Did you ever year of any pirates going thither? Give me hell, it’s a merrier place: I’ll give Roberts a salute of 13 guns at entrance.” This is an especially good line for those who have a Roberts on board.

If you’re looking for inspiration like some of what I’ve quoted here, search for quotes from Treasure Island and records of historic quotations.

“In an honest service there is thin commons, low wages, and hard labor; in this, plenty and satiety, pleasure and ease, liberty and power; and who would not balance creditor on this side, when all the hazard that is run for it, at worst, is only a sour look or two at choking. No, a merry life and a short one, shall be my motto.” Thus spake Bartholomew “Black Bart” Roberts, according to the scribe, and who can argue with him?

What’s more? Here be a boon of quotes for ye, nancy-pants!

Update: In the spirit of authenticity, here’s a page with history of some piratey words.