The Oddity of Dean Koontz

Odd is self-consciously one of Burke’s good men: determined to do something rather than nothing in the face of evil. In Odd Hours, he contemplates Burke’s dictum and adds that it is essential “that good men and women not be propagandized into believing that real evil is a myth” and that all malevolent behavior is simply the result of poor socialization or bad economic theory. But this awareness of responsibility comes with a price. Again from Odd Hours: “to do what you feel sure is right and in the aid of justice, you sometimes have to do things that, when recalled on lonely nights, make you wonder if in fact you are the good man that you like to believe you are.”

Our friend Hunter Baker writes about Dean Koontz’ Odd Thomas in the current issue of Touchstone.

Remembering That Black Boy in Birmingham

They weren’t his people, and they wanted to make sure he knew that. Or maybe they were afraid of him, though they wouldn’t have admitted it. Alan Jacobs has written a story about a childhood experience in Birmingham in which he and his friends picked up stones to assault a black boy who walked through their neighborhood. Alan didn’t throw a stone or yell at this Other Person, but he did stand with his friends as the boy’s enemy.

The summer of my discontent

Today, a couple of breakthroughs. I don’t think I’ve actually told our blog readership about my recent travails at work. Three weeks ago a catastrophic virus infestation was discovered in our computer network. It appears it all probably entered through my own office computer, because through some oversight I didn’t have antivirus protection. (I should have noticed that and asked questions. Noticing and asking questions aren’t things I’m good at.) So they took my box away physically, and our IT lady has been struggling to scrub it clean and save whatever files she can ever since.

She was so busy she never got around to telling me what was happening, or why I couldn’t have it back. So I’ve been twisting in the wind, trying to find things to do other than the things I ought to have been doing this summer.

On Monday somebody finally showed me how to access my work e-mail, so I was able to get my messages. Unfortunately one of them said I’d sold some used books through Amazon, and the order was now well overdue for shipment. I’ve apologized profusely to the buyer, but haven’t heard back whether he still wants the books or not.

Today, though, I got a substitute laptop to tide me over, which makes things much better. Sometime in August I get a new desktop.

In other news, I told you last Friday about the Miller Analogies Test I took, and how the laptop they assigned me shut down, and we weren’t sure whether my answers registered or not. Today I learned they hadn’t. But they’ve offered me a re-test, at no charge, so I’m going in again this Friday.

Although it’s a small inconvenience (especially with Highway 694 torn up), this is actually a good thing all in all. I’ve had the chance to preview the test for free, and I’ve gained some insight into the (diabolical) way it’s designed. A second try can’t hurt.

The proctor lady was very appreciative of my patience and good attitude. I’m always kind of surprised that anybody chooses to get shirty about things like this. She certainly didn’t cause the problem herself. There might be some momentary satisfaction in chewing someone out and putting them in their place, but in my experience that satisfaction lasts about twenty seconds, after which remorse and guilt set in. Who lives long enough for that?

I suppose some people walk away from scenes they’ve made with the warm satisfaction that comes of time well spent.

I do not understand those people.

It Isn't Just Useful, It's Jack Handey

Jack Handey is the gifted comic writer behind SNL’s “Deep Thoughts,” which ran in the 90s. He appears to be the closest embodiment of the comic ideal most comedians have ever known. NY Times Writer Don Kois quotes Maria Semple, another comic writer, on what’s so great about Handey.

“There is purity to his comedy,” Semple told Kois. “His references are all grandmas and Martians and cowboys. It’s so completely free from topical references and pop culture that I feel like everyone who’s gonna make a Honey Boo Boo joke should do some penance and read Jack Handey.”

She said Handey writes real jokes, not just junk that “smells like a joke, but there’s no actual joke there.”

Handey had a license plate made for his famous SNL skit series: DEEPTHT. He would have it on his car today had his brother-in-law not asked him while he was mounting it, “Why does your license plate say ‘Deep Throat’?” Now it reads DPTHOTS. (via S.D. Smith)

Freedom and equality, redux

I’ve been thinking about my earlier post on the contradictions between the ideas of “freedom” and “equality.”

Today I came up with a briefer version of what I’ve been trying to say, in epigrammatic form.

Below: Walker’s epigram on freedom and equality in political theory:

A man who loves freedom will wish to free the slaves.

A man who loves equality may wish to free the slaves, or he may wish to enslave the free. Either way will achieve his purpose.

Ethnocentric update

I should have brought a camera on Sunday. Sunday was the annual Norway Day festival in Minnehaha Park. The Viking Age Club & Society does it every year, and aside from some rotation in personnel there isn’t usually much to distinguish one year from another.

But this year we’d added a new young man, so that we had four in all, plus another who’s young enough to play with them. Some of them had attended a reenactors’ event in Moorhead last month, and they’d learned some new Viking games. So in our quiet times, we had young guys playing silly, semi-violent, and sometimes rather crude games in our camp, to the amusement of all. This is exactly what a Viking camp should be like.

Except that we still have a shortage of thralls. Haven’t worked out a way to get forced labor out of the Irish yet. Still, boys make a reasonable substitute when it comes to the heavy set-up and take-down work.

The weather threatened in the morning, but it turned into quite a lovely summer day. I had a good time, but only sold three books. Lost all my fights except for the last one, against a young spearman who’d killed me a couple times previously. Before Samuel Colt, the spear made all men equal.

Debut Mystery Author Revealed as Veteran Writer

The Cuckoo’s Calling, which Publishers Weekly described as “[combining] a complex and compelling sleuth and an equally well-formed and unlikely assistant with a baffling crime…A stellar debut,” has the name Robert Galbraith on the cover, but is actually the work of veteran author J.K. Rowling. She published it with Mulholland Books under that pseudonym with the supposition that readers believe it was a pseudonym “for a retired British military investigator.” Now that it is being reprinted, the publisher has let the cat out of the bag.

Rowling says she enjoyed writing as Robert Galbraith and receiving criticism untainted by her past success. Of course, the book has sold out with this news. Perhaps some critics will tell us they suspected something like this all along.

There is no analogy for Aunt Ordella

A little personal news tonight, because I know how you worry. Today, in the course of my application to graduate school, I went to Bethel University in St. Paul and took the Miller Analogies Test. The MAT is a multiple choice test in which you fill in the missing element from an analogy – as in, “Bureaucrat is to Integrity as Jack the Ripper is to ________.” (Correct answer: Feminism) It’s a deceptively hard test. I hope all the other test takers felt as confusticated as I did, because if they didn’t I’m a whole lot dumber than I think I am.
How did I do? I don’t know. I was supposed to go away with a preliminary score, but the laptop they gave me to use had some kind of power issue, and shut itself down in the course of the test – twice. The second time we couldn’t access the test again. I was very nearly done at that point; in fact I’d finished the test itself and was just reviewing my answers. But I don’t know – and neither does the proctor – whether my score actually registered at the other end or not. If it didn’t, I’ll have all the weary work to do again, one hopes at no further cost.
Last Saturday I drove down to Kenyon, my home town, for the funeral of my great-aunt Ordella, who passed away at the age of 103. She was the last surviving child of my great-grandfather, the only remaining pillar of her generation. I think I’m safe in saying that Aunt Ordella was a character. It’s not uncommon for people to lose their inhibitions as they age, but I don’t think Ordella ever had any inhibitions (I’m speaking of social interaction; I know of no sexual scandal in her life). Apparently all the chutzpah in the Walker family got funneled into her. I know nobody in my branch got any of it.
I don’t know what we’ll do without her. It was a beautiful day for a grave-side service in any case.
I wandered the town cemetery for a few minutes. It’s a fairly old cemetery over on the shady east end, where they buried the people with English names who settled back before the Norwegians flooded in. I looked in particular for those bronze “Grand Army of the Republic” stars, indicating Union Army veterans. Found one fellow who served in the First Minnesota “H.A.,” which a little research informs me means Heavy Artillery.
This weekend: Whiz-Bang Days in Robbinsdale! And I’ll be at Norway Day in Minnehaha Park, Minneapolis, on Sunday.

Ender's Game, by Orson Scott Card

Note: I used Grammarly to grammar check this post, because they promised me remuneration, and like any good novelist I am for sale. (lw)

People have been telling me I needed to read Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game for years, but I resisted. Science Fiction generally doesn’t interest me a lot, and to be honest Card’s LDS faith put me off. But now the book is coming out as a film, and gay activists want everybody to boycott it because Card’s a pro-family Mormon. So suddenly he’s an ally, and I’m almost obligated to see the film. And if I’m going to do that I might as well read the book. Which I did.

I’m glad I did. It’s very strange, very intense, and heartbreaking.

Andrew (Ender) Wiggin is the result of genetic experimentation in a future where reproduction is regulated by law. His brother and sister were part of the same experiment, and they’re all brilliant, but the brother is a sociopath and the sister too empathetic for the purposes of the program.

The purpose is to create a super-general, a military genius who can lead the forces of Earth against the insectoid “Buggers,” who attacked and nearly destroyed us a generation previously. Knowing we can’t survive another such attack, the world government has created a space station Combat School and filled it with hotshot young students, all of them geniuses. But it’s actually all about Ender. The whole thing exists to hone little Ender (he’s only six when he’s recruited) into a master strategist and tactician, without mercy or hesitancy.

Ender’s compassionate side – which is part of what the government wants from him – agonizes over the choices he has to make, and the things he must do, not only to win the war games but to survive in an environment where several other kids, most of them older than he, envy him enough to kill him. His handlers are ashamed of what they put him through, but they do it anyway, in order to forge their perfect human weapon.

Some have complained that the kids in this book don’t talk like kids, and they’re right. I had to keep reminding myself that these were children and pre-teens. But Card himself responds that we’re talking about geniuses here. There’s nothing normal about the situation. And realism isn’t exactly the point.

I don’t think I’d have guessed a Mormon wrote this book if I hadn’t known beforehand, though there are a couple clues. I was surprised by a kum-bah-ya element in the final resolution. I don’t know enough about LDS theology to know whether they believe (as this story seems to suggest) that there’s no such thing as evil. Or (more likely) I’m reading it wrong.

Intense, compelling. Recommended.

The 2013 storySouth Million Writers Award

The 10th Annual storySouth Million Writers Award for short stories is now open. You may nominate stories you consider worthy from among those first published online, which doesn’t not mean self-published, but published in an online magazine or site with an editorial process. Nominations will be taken until August 3.