Tag Archives: depression

“Next time…”

Photo credit: Noah Silliman @noahsilliman. Unsplash license

I meant for this to be a more cheerful post. I’ve been feeling pretty good of late, and wanted to talk about it, once I’d caught up with book reviews. Today I’m caught up, but…

I’ve noticed I’ve been feeling unusually cheerful for some time now. I won’t say happy because, as I see it, real happiness involves good relationships. And I don’t really have much in that department, nor am I likely to.

But I’m used to being chronically depressed. It’s how I’ve always defined myself – I am a depressive person. Melancholic. I take pride in handling a chronic condition that some less fortunate folks don’t survive.

But – and it seems to go back to when I got booted from my job and started freelancing – I’ve been feeling pretty good for a while. To top if off, lately, in preparation for the Great Norway Trip, I’ve been seriously dieting. I’d dropped 15 pounds last time I checked. Also I’ve been exercising regularly at the gym. The other day I had to do some walking, and I found it was much easier than it had been some months ago. That’s a pleasant sensation, especially for an old man.

Yesterday was another good day. I had to take Mrs. Ingebretsen, my PT Cruiser, into the shop because the Check Engine light had come on. But they told me the problem wasn’t serious, and could easily be put off. On top of that, the light went off again today.

Even better, recently I’d been trying a new mental trick. It was based on an article I read in Reader’s Digest many, many years ago. I mean, before I graduated high school, I think.

The article, as I recall it (probably wrong), was written by a guy promoting an idea he’d gotten from a rabbi in his youth. The rabbi told him, when he had an embarrassing experience, not to beat himself up. Instead, say “Next time.” “Next time I’ll know to do it better.” “Next time I won’t make that same mistake.” Turning personal errors into learning experiences, rather than occasions for self-loathing.

For some reason, that article had stuck in my mind, even though I made no attempt whatever to put it into practice. But now I thought, what can it hurt to try? The next time a shameful memory popped up, I tried using the “next time” technique. And what do you know? It seemed to help. It’s early days in the experiment, but it looked good.

But that was before this morning. This morning I picked up my cell phone to check the usual suspects. I got a nice message from a nice person who’ll be hosting me in Norway. They’d bought me a ticket for something I’d enjoy doing. And I had to tell them I was already booked for that time slot. This was almost physically painful. I hate turning a kindness down. Kindness should be encouraged. There’s little enough of it in the world.

And then somebody commented on one of my posts on Facebook, and what they said really kicked me in a sensitive place. I don’t know if they meant it to hurt like that, but it did hurt. Still does.

And the day was rainy and gray and cold. And there’s that terrible news from Texas. I got nothing productive done, beyond my visit to the gym. Haven’t had a bad day like this for some time.

But tomorrow will be another chance at a day.

Next time, I’ll do it better. I hope.

‘Lincoln’s Melancholy,’ by Joshua Wolf Shenk

The hope is not that suffering will go away, for with Lincoln it did not ever go away. The hope is that suffering, plainly acknowledged and endured, can fit us for the surprising challenges that await.

I grew up on a farm, as I may have mentioned before. And I often got into trouble because I preferred reading books to doing my chores. When I read about a great president who grew up on a farm and also got into trouble for reading when he should have been working, I felt an immediately bond. That president, of course, was Abraham Lincoln.

Later I learned that Lincoln suffered from “melancholy” (the 19th Century term for chronic depression) all his life. This also led me to feel close to him.

I’ve learned more recently that a collateral ancestor of mine, my great-great grandfather’s half-brother, a Norwegian pioneer in Illinois, knew Lincoln through Republican Party activities. This ancestor does not appear in the book, Lincoln’s Melancholy, by Joshua Wolf Shenk (I didn’t expect him to), but I enjoyed imagining him as one of the extras in the background.

Lincoln’s Melancholy is a fascinating book for the history buff and the Lincoln fan. There are plenty of Lincoln haters out there too, and I imagine they can find fuel for their position here too, but for this reader the story was one I can empathize with. And it had a surprisingly faith-friendly conclusion.

It’s common for chronic depression to run in families, and author Shenk documents how the limited information we have on this fairly obscure clan indicates that not only depression, but plain insanity was common among the Lincolns. Young Abraham suffered the traumatic loss of his mother at a young age, but seems to have been a fairly cheerful person until his 30s, when he had two suicidal “breakdowns” in a row in 1840 and 1841. (One of these may or may not have been related to the death of the fabled Ann Rutledge.) After that he withdrew into himself; his closest friends – and certainly his wife – never felt that he entirely opened up to them. But they all agreed that he suffered from long spells of melancholy. Then he would shake himself, so to speak, and start telling jokes. Or go to work. He had found a way to manage his depression; to use it as a spur to achievement. Having given up on personal happiness, he aimed for significance. He came to believe that God had destined him for some great purpose; his challenge in life was to make himself worthy of that purpose.

Which brings us to his religious beliefs. I’ve heard more than one atheist quote Lincoln triumphantly, as a patron saint of their un-faith. But as Shenk documents, it’s more complicated than that. Raised in a fire-and-brimstone sect (unusually condemnatory even among Calvinists), Lincoln abandoned Christianity as he understood it. But years later, after his breakdowns, he went to Louisville to visit the family of his friend Joshua Speed. There Speed’s mother (a Unitarian) placed a Bible in his hands and told him gently that he’d find comfort there if he read it correctly. And by all accounts he did just that. He became a regular reader of the Bible, and it seemed to help him with his depression, though It’s impossible to know exactly what his theological beliefs were:

The Lincolns later rented a pew at Smith’s First Presbyterian Church—which reserved them space for services but did not bind them to accept the church’s creed, as membership would. This arrangement, which Lincoln repeated in Washington, nicely represented his relationship with traditional religion in his mature years. He visited, but he didn’t move in.

I found Lincoln’s Melancholy fascinating, moving, and helpful in my personal situation. I recommend it highly.

The Thing Under the Bed is Depression

In seasons like this, the straight truth is my best help. One truth my doctor told me early on was that this depression would probably find me after I had been home for a few weeks. And here it is, like a train pulling into the station right on time.

http://russ-ramsey.com/monster-in-the-dark-a-chapter-about-depression/

Spurgeon Walking the Dark Valley

Christian George is Curator of the Spurgeon Library at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He has written about Charles H. Spurgeon’s depression in this article, “Spurgeon Almost Quit,” and talks to Charles Morris of Haven Today about the subject here.

George quotes the great preacher as saying, “I have gone to the very bottoms of the mountains, as some of you know, in a night that never can be erased from my memory . . . but, as far as my witness goes, I can say that the Lord is able to save unto the uttermost and in the last extremity, and he has been a good God to me.”

How Dante Saved Dreher from Depression


Last year, we wrote about Rod Dreher’s book, How Dante Can Save Your Life,, noting that following your heart will kill you dead and sin is a damaged form of love.

Chris Fabry interviewed Rod about his experience going through depression, attempting to reconcile with his family, and learning more from Dante than his counselor. If you haven’t read his book already, this will give you insight into what you’ll find there.