All posts by Lars Walker

At least I’m the world’s greatest expert on Father Aillil

It was a quiet weekend, highlighted by a little shopping and housecleaning, as well as church as usual. Today it’s good and stinking hot—the first day this year I’d characterize by that precise and objective characterization. Nearly 100 degrees, at least on my back porch. I like it. I’m a summer baby, never really comfortable until I’m uncomfortably warm.

I recently wrote a paper for the Georg Sverdup Society (for the benefit of newcomers, that’s the scholarly society for which I serve as Journal editor. We’re mostly devoted to translating the works of Prof. Georg Sverdrup of Augsburg College, one of the founders of my branch [or “perversion,” some of our Lutheran readers are thinking] of Lutheranism—a sort of congregational Lutheranism).

My premise was that the roots of our peculiarity (or “perversion,” as above) may partly be found in Norwegian social tradition going back to the Viking Age. (Norwegian Lutherans in America were remarkable in that they split up into a number of competing Lutheran fellowships, unlike most of the other Scandinavian-Americans, who founded purely ethnic, one-size-fits-all church bodies). I suggest (I don’t think it’s provable one way or another) that this contentiousness (dare I say “diversity?”) may spring—in part—from the old Viking-Age political system, which Prof. Torgrim Titlestad calls “confederative,” and for which Erling Skjalgsson (hero of West Oversea, of which you may have heard) lived and died.

I sent the article to my friend and blurb-writer Dr. John Eidsmoe, because it occurred to me that this would be red meat to him. And indeed he responded quickly, correcting a couple of points of fact, but also very interested in my premise. He said, “You might say that Erling Skjalgsson was the Robert E. Lee of Norway.” That struck me odd at first, but on consideration there’s a lot to be said for it.

He also suggested that I might be the world’s greatest expert on Erling. Very flattering, but not true. Prof. Titlestad knows rings around me. Maybe I’m the greatest expert in America. But I’d bet there’s some hungry professor in some obscure Midwestern history department whom I’ve never heard of, who did a brilliant (and neglected) doctoral thesis on Erling. And who is very bitter about it, and will probably hunt me down and shoot me if my novel’s a success.

Still, it’s nice to be flattered. Flatter me all you like. I’ll make mordant, self-deprecatory jokes, but secretly I’ll like it, and don’t let me tell you otherwise.

Privy thoughts

It amused me today, for some reason, to recall that I know where to find a washroom at the fish market in Bergen, Norway. Oddly, I experienced almost as much pleasure in remembering that accomplishment as in the thought of being published (which just goes to show you there’s something very, very wrong with me).

Mark you, it’s not the greatest washroom you’ve ever used. For one thing, you have to pay to get into a stall. You pay an attendant, who—although I used the Men’s Room—was a woman, at least the last time I was there.

See, that’s what comes of Socialism. Verily I say unto you, if Pres. Obama (peace be upon him) and the Democrats have their way, soon all our washrooms will be pay toilets, and all the men’s rooms will have female attendants.

And it’ll do you no good staying home, because private washrooms will be outlawed. THIS WAY TO THE PEOPLE’S FACILITIES. YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK. PLEASE TAKE A NUMBER.

OK, I think I’ve taken this train of thought far enough down the track.

Going the dissonance

Mowed the lawn tonight. The length was right, and it’ll probably rain tonight and tomorrow.

One thing about mowing lawn—it makes me feel really smart. Whatever my other failures and shortcomings, I am undoubtedly a real estate genius.

When I bought this house, the lot was small. I remember describing it to people as, “Tiny. I’m thinking of getting a push lawnmower.”

But the longer I mow the thing, the larger my property gets.



Our promotional people
have a couple internet radio interviews set up for me. On the evening of Thursday, June 25, I’m scheduled to be interviewed by David K. Ewen at Blogtalk Radio.

And on the morning of Tuesday, June 30, I’ll be interviewed by Stacy Harp at Active Christian Media.

I don’t believe it’s necessary to tune in to hear either one live. In fact, I’m not sure they’ll be broadcast live. Both can be accessed at your convenience after they’re recorded.

West Oversea is now searchable at Amazon.com (although it’s still cheaper to order it directly through my publisher).

It’s gratifying—and a little alarming—to see the book generating what they call “buzz” (as you’ve noticed if you’ve been following my posts lately). The strangest thing is that I’m getting high praise from a number of people whose opinions are impossible to dismiss. One or two endorsements from people I admire could be written off as charity, or the result of a traumatic head injury. But when they start adding up, the result is serious cognitive dissonance.

Update & correction: Apparently the David Ewen interview is now uncertain. It may happen as scheduled, or it may happen at a different date. I’ll keep you posted.

The Last Thing I Remember, by Andrew Klavan

Andrew Klavan’s The Last Thing I Remember is his first young adult thriller. That doesn’t mean a grizzled old man like me can’t enjoy it, though, and I did.

Nobody sets up a grabber opening like Klavan, and it would have been hard to better this one. As the story begins, we find our hero, high school junior Charlie West, waking up strapped to a heavy metal chair, in a room full of torture instruments. He has wounds and burns that he can’t remember getting. In fact, the last thing he remembers is a fairly ordinary day of school (which turns out, on closer examination, to have been not so ordinary at all). Outside the door, he hears men talking, and the one in charge says, “Kill him.”

Now we both know they won’t succeed at that, because otherwise there’d be no book. What follows is a two-stranded story—Charlie describes his desperate escape and his attempts to get back home and avoid the police (who are hunting him), alternating with his memories of that “ordinary” last day—the karate demonstration he did for a school assembly (he has a black belt, and it’s a good thing, too), working up the nerve to talk to a pretty girl and getting her phone number, a session at the dojo and a talk with an estranged friend, work on a history paper, and bed.

The formula for a good thriller is to put your hero in an impossible situation and find ways for him to survive and reach his goals, even though the impossible situation gets even worse. Klavan hits every stop, and the story just speeds along. It seemed too short, and now I’ll have to wait a whole year to find out what comes next.

Charlie is a Christian and a patriot, and just the kind of hero you want your kids to have.

I have some minor quibbles. Charlie frequently draws strength from a quotation from Winston Churchill that he got from his karate master—“Never give in, never give in… never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense….” It gets a little didactic, but of course this is a young adult novel, and you almost have to do that if you want to teach the reader anything. Nuance doesn’t go very far with younger readers.

I found that lesson a little painful, personally. The principle’s a good one, but there are a lot of people out there—especially young people—who aren’t in a position to act as Charlie does. These people are in situations where they literally have no power, and trying to “never give in” will only make their situations worse. I know, because I was one of those kids once.

But that’s something that’s probably more significant to me than to most people. This is a book you’ll want your son or daughter to read (mild violence, no sex or bad language), and you’ll enjoy reading it too. A lot.

Global domination update

Another day, another blog endorsement. Actually this is a further endorsement from the guys over at Threedonia (specifically Mike and “Floyd”), who posted Amazon links today so that people could order not only West Oversea, but all my novels.

Thanks, guys.

What really impresses me is the insider influence that Floyd obviously wields. He linked to an order site for West Oversea at Amazon, but when I, regular mortal that I am, try to search for it there, they never heard of it. Floyd’s power is obviously that of no earthly being. I’m glad he’s on my side.

Praise from (Sid) Caesar

Anthony Sacramone, late of Strange Herring, alerts me (in a comment on my dyspeptic post below about his hiatus) to his review, just posted, of my The Year of the Warrior, over at First Things blog.

If he knew how deeply I appreciate such fulsomosity, especially in view of the source, it would inflate his already prodigious ego to a level almost unimaginable to our pure-minded readership.

So I won’t say anything about it.

Weakened report

A beautiful weekend, climatologically speaking. I did some stuff that a man’s gotta do in the yard, and a little housecleaning. And went to see “Star Trek,” at last. Not bad. The big thing is that it gave me the same kind of pleasure the old original series used to. Although a serious fan in my youth, my fervor abated with the years. I’m not the kind of obsessive whose whole experience is spoiled because somebody calculated the star date wrong, through failing to factor in Daylight Savings Time. All I ask is some cool visuals, a plausible (my standards are pretty low) story, some attractive women (bring back Jolene Blalock!), and good fights. And they had a sword! A sword on Star Trek! It doesn’t get much better than that, as far as I’m concerned.

Oh well, it could be better, of course. If this movie ever materializes, for instance, and if it’s worthy of its source, it’ll be worth any number of dilithium crystals. Continue reading Weakened report →

Top ten hymns

Phil posted a list of his ten favorite hymns this morning. So it seems in order that I post my own, if only to demonstrate how much better Lutheran hymnody is than Calvinist. The order is somewhat arbitrary.

1. “Make Me a Captive, Lord.” My all-time favorite, since I was a teenager. Not only is it set to “Leominster,” one of the most beautiful hymn tunes ever composed, but it has swords and battles. Written by George Matheson, the great, blind Scottish hymn writer.

2. “Wide Open Are Thy Hands.” Based on a hymn by St. Bernard of Clairvaux, it also—by some weird coincidence—is set to “Leominster.” No swords, alas.

3. “O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go.” Well, what do you know? Another Matheson hymn. Talk about coincidences. There’s a legend that Matheson wrote this after being rejected by a fiancée, who walked out on him after she learned he was going blind. This story is not true, I understand.

4. “Be Thou My Vision.” “Ancient Irish hymn,” according to my hymn book. It’s even got a sword, though the “Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for the fight…” verse generally gets skipped.

5. “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.” The best of the Christmas hymns. A lesson in theology all by itself, courtesy of Charles Wesley. And fun to sing. The three beats of “Joyful all,” repeated again in the following line, just require you to throw back your head and let go.

6. “Den Store, Hvide Flokk.” I had to put a Norwegian hymn in here (although it’s actually Danish, but I’m trying to be complimentary). The title means “The Great White Host,” and it’s based on Revelation. It sounds like this.

7. “Amazing Grace.” Well, duh. I especially recommend Sissel’s recording (arranged by Andrae Crouch).

8. “Rock of Ages.” Solid and enduring.

9. “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God.” By some guy named Luther. I actually prefer this one in a Contemporary Praise arrangement, if you can believe it. You’ve got to sing this one with gusto to get it right.

10. “Thee God We Praise.” Sung to the tune of “Finlandia,” another fine Scandinavian composition.

See you in church on Sunday.