I’ve noticed an odd phenomenon over the years. The very people who, you would think, would be able to give the best advice on raising children seem to be oddly reticent to offer a list of rules. And the more children they have, the more reticent they are.

Fortunately, there is an ever-growing demographic of people who have no such shyness about sharing their views on child-rearing. These, of course, are the people who (like me) have no children of their own.

I saw this article today (hat tip Strange Herring) on a recent study that concluded that children who watched “Sponge Bob Square Pants” showed decreased attention spans, as compared to children who watched “Caillou,” and a control group who (I assume) used a magnifying glass to fry ants. Continue reading A modest educational proposal →

I enjoyed Phil’s link to this year’s Bulwer-Lytton Award finalists so much that I thought that instead of trying to say anything coherent tonight, I’d just craft my own opening for a detective novel I would rather undergo minor surgery than read.

Det. Dierdre Hamerstein was just finishing up the paperwork from tonight’s arrest, adjusting the sling in which the emergency medics had put her arm after the .45 shell had ripped through her shoulder, when Lieutenant Greese swung his pendulous belly through the office door with that familiar, “I’ve got a high-profile murder and I need to put my best detective on it, even if she is a girl and has lost three pints of blood tonight” look on his insensitive face.

The following news item is “fake but accurate,” in the finest tradition of American contemporary journalism.

WASHINGTON DC: As part of an ongoing effort to streamline government and make it more efficient, officials of the Justice Department announced today that, instead of publishing their annual multi-volume edition of the Statutes of the United States, they will instead publish a single, softcover book containing a list of things that aren’t regulated.

“There isn’t much in here, really,” said E. Cleveland Weckmeyer of the Attorney General’s office. “Basically you can have consensual sex with anybody you want, any way you want. Other than that, everything’s either illegal or you need a permit for it.”

A representative of the America Civil Liberties Union, Eleanore Rigby-Trotsky, when asked for her organization’s response said, “We’ll have to look into it more closely, but from what I hear I’d say we’re OK with it. Call me back in a half an hour.”

I learned a meme today from Prof. Brendan Riley called troll quotes. He explains it requires “1. a well-known quote with 2. a false attribution from an equally well known person and 3. the wrong picture.” Here’s his favorite example, which I love too, but I had to contribute to the lore myself.

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A great line from the movie Network.

Library of Congress

Washington had to shut down for a few minutes today, and the stock market soared. Coincidence?

Actually, that wasn’t an earthquake. That was the economy settling.

(Cue rimshot.)

In case you’re a visitor to Brandywine Books, I need to make it clear that two political posts in one day is a great rarity here. One political post in a day is a rarity. Phil and I generally eschew political comments (we don’t even have a Politics category), in favor of the far less controversial subject of religion.

But I’ve been worried the last few days. First President Obama (peace be upon him) visits Cannon Falls, Minnesota, just up the road from Kenyon, my home town. The next day he’s in Decorah, where I spent a year at Luther College sometime around the Coolidge administration. It began to look as if he were stalking me. Perhaps he finally figured out that my tin foil hat prevents him from controlling my mind with his delta rays, and he’s trying to follow my trail instead. About thirty years in my rear view mirror, but that’s civil service work for you.

However, I remember that one of my high school classmates actually graduated from Luther College. So it’s probably him the president is stalking.

Whew. That was close.

If I understand the news reports correctly, a lot of people are saying Michele Bachmann isn’t qualified to be president, because she opens her mouth to eat a corn dog.

I have to assume that sophisticated, civilized people who attended Ivy League schools have some superior method of eating their corn dogs. If anybody knows what it is, I’d appreciate hearing about it, because I always end up dripping ketchup on my shirt.

But Rep. Bachmann’s campaign is over anyway, it seems to me. She confused the anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death with his birthday.

You can get away with a lot in American politics, but I’m pretty sure messing up your Elvis essentials takes you beyond the pale.

The nice thing about being beyond the pale, though, is that you can eat your corn dog any bloody way you like.