“Life,” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.”
Category Archives: Goofing
Boy Wakes from Near-Death Experience
An eight-year-old boy emerged from a medically induced coma with a remarkable story of visiting heaven and meeting a wide variety of people, including a literary agent who encouraged him to sell his story to a major publisher. Seems legit.
Newly Discovered Literary Sequels
Harper Lee’s Watchman has captured the hopes of many readers, and now the author’s lawyer has announced the discovery of papers that may be yet another manuscript. Yes. That part’s true. Not even the lawyer appears to know what those papers hold, but The Onion has gotten hold of the title, “My Excellent Caretaker Deserves My Entire Fortune.”
Electric Lit reports that several publishers are now announcing newly discovered sequels to many of your favorite classics:
- Lunch at Tiffany’s by Truman Capote
- The Cul-De-Sac by Cormac McCarthy
- The Raisins of Wrath by John Steinbeck
- Moby-Dick 2: The College Years by Herman Melville
These look good, but when are publisher going find real blockbusters like these:
- The Big Bang Theory: A Personal View by Eccentrica Gallumbits
- Dreams Don’t Mean Anything by Richard Tull
- How I Survived an Hour with a Sprained Finger
- Highly Unpleasant Things It Is Sometimes Good To Know, a compilation
- Frank Recollections of a Long Life by Lady Bablockhythe
- Finding Love and Yeti, a memoir
- Keep the Home Fires Burning, by Nero Caesar
- When Mildew Awakens and Shouts, by Culdugger Smith-Smyth
Programming notes
Channeling Dr. Boli’s Celebrated Magazine:
Programming notes: Tonight, on NPC, 8:00 pm Eastern: MR. CHIEF EXECUTIVE MAN (Superhero Drama): Tonight’s episode: “The Legitimate Grievance of the Ant People” (Repeat). Following a string of minuscule acts of terrorism, Mr. Chief Executive Man employs his superhuman interpersonal skills to make contact with the Queen of the Ant People. Learning that the Ant People object to humans stepping on them on sidewalks, he assures the Queen that he will draft an executive order forbidding all humans from ever leaving their houses again. Peace is restored. (Reminder: Viewing of this episode is mandatory for all citizens.)
Whovians, Coffee Before You Demonstrate?
The Ovente Steam Espresso Maker may be a great gift for someone you love this summer, especially if they would enjoy getting their coffee from a Dalek. With a cup of joe from this baby, you’ll have the strength to fight back against the footless foes who point at you and say, “Procrastinate!”
10 Ways South Dakota Is Worse than Mars
South Dakota may already be on your Top 50 list of American states you want to visit, but the state’s tourism czar hopes to bump up your expectations by comparing the Mount Rushmore State to Mars–not the maker of little chocolate candies that melt in your mouth instead of your neighbor’s thieving hand, but the red planet, the fourth rock from the sun. “Why die on Mars,” they ask, “when you can live in South Dakota?”
Why? We’ll tell you why.
1. Mars Has Little Snow
Mars is a cold planet with way more carbon-dioxide than South Dakota, and it does have some snow, but it keeps its snowfall in carefully drawn boundaries around the polar caps. Does it fall on the streets and villages of Mars, clogging traffic on Martian highways? Not on your life.
Mars keeps its snow in neat areas, out of trouble. (Source: NASA)
On the other hand, South Dakota lets the snow fall all over the place—on cars, on vacationing skiers, and even on grade-school children trying to get a bit of work done outdoors. In the city of Lead, the average annual snowfall is almost 200 inches. That’s over 16 feet! You won’t see that on Mars.
Nothing Martian about pushing a shopping cart in the snow. Continue reading 10 Ways South Dakota Is Worse than Mars
#ClickbaitBooks on Twitter
Somebody Told This Guy to Go to Hell, and He Did – You'll Never Guess What He Found There! #clickbaitbooks pic.twitter.com/MFqOcXthsu
— Penguin Classics (@PenguinClassics) April 30, 2015
Trending on Twitter today are SEO headline takes on classic or popular books. #ClickbaitBooks gives us “9 Shocking Ways to Kill a Mockingbird”
Andrew Klavan has contributed several, including this:
Everlasting life? 1 Simple Trick Doctors DO NOT Want You To See. #clickbaitbooks pic.twitter.com/ooQe8nlr4k
— Andrew Klavan (@andrewklavan) April 30, 2015
Txting Through Shakespeare
For the Bard’s birthday, “ten plays, quickly resolved through texts.”
DUDE DONT DO IT!
The Kellys by Mick Moloney
Here’s a fun song about how there are too many Irishmen in the world. I first heard this on a cassette many years ago. For our younger readers, a cassette was like a hard drive made from black tape, which was held in a tape deck that would play non-digital audio that sounded way better than anything we have today. It was as if you were in the room with the musicians.
Great Fun Being a Journalist
Mollie Z. Hemingway offers great advice on how to excel in journalism in today’s world.
“Don’t Sweat the Details. Is there a difference between an Evangelical and an evangelist? Who cares?”
“Don’t question authority. … if a politician suggests that the reports of scandal surrounding his administration are overblown, leave him alone already. Would he lie?”
A journalist’s job is to advance his ideological narrative. “CNBC’s John Harwood said recently, ‘Those of us in political-media world should just shut up about “narratives” and focus on what’s true.’ Spoken like a real nobody.”
She’s got a good piece. I recommend it too all non-fiction writers. Of course, all of it could be summarized by quoting Henry Kissinger, who said, “Allow me to be the first to say that what we have done here is not a good thing. It’s definitely not a good thing. But it was, given the circumstances, the smart play.”