Sure, sure I’m happy about Sarah Palin’s success with her nomination acceptance speech last night. Up till then we weren’t entirely sure what we were getting. We were afraid she couldn’t be all that was advertised. Instead we suddenly found ourselves in an altered political universe, one where the party galaxy has a new sun at its center.

But frankly, I want more.

I was cautiously hopeful about the presidential election, before. Now I’ve moved up to guarded optimism. That’s still uncomfortable, though. I demand maximum comfort. I want more than optimism. I want a sure thing. I want to look down in contempt on my opponents. I want to be smug.

There are so many things I want.

I don’t want to have to work at my job. I want to coast, or stay home if I like, certain that I can’t be dislodged no matter what I do.

I don’t want to have to worry about money. I think I ought to live on a trust fund. A generous trust fund.

I don’t want to have to work at relationships. I think people ought to compete for my friendship, and I should be able to be rude to them or neglect them, knowing that they need me more than I need them.

I don’t want to have to exercise or watch my eating. I should be able to take a daily pill that will compensate for all my wrong choices.

I think I ought to have total security in all areas of life, from cradle to grave.

No, cancel that. I think I have a right to never die.

I guess what I’m saying is, in my heart I really want to be a Democrat.