Ah me. I haven’t got much tonight. But I figure you probably gave up on last night’s long post half-way through. So just go back and finish it. I’ll wait.
Meanwhile, I share this link to a trailer for an independent movie that looks very much like a straight-to-DVD deal. It’s about Vikings. I only know about it because they took out a full-page ad in the last Sons of Norway magazine.
I can’t find any information on the site about how to order the thing, but I have the addresses if you want them. I can send them to you if you e-mail me.
Personally I think I’ll pass it by. I can smell the cheese, even through my computer monitor.
First of all, judging by the clips, they only hired a couple dozen reenactors to fight in the battle scenes. It’s got that distinct feeling you get when a cameraman is trying to disguise the fact that there really aren’t many people in his battle, and the same extras keep showing up in every shot.
Also (and I may be jumping to this conclusion, but it looks like it to me), the reenactors are employing the English style of steel combat. As every reenactor knows, the English style is extremely boring. Safe, but boring.
Kind of like the English themselves.
Not the most desirable thing in an action film.
And did you see the wig that guy is wearing? I think the film’s hair designer must have picked it up at my aunt’s estate sale.
And what’s with all those clean-shaven, short-haired guys? Dudes, you’re making a movie. It’ll be around long after you’re dead. Take a month of your life and grow a beard. At least some stubble. Let your hair grow out, even if you have to surrender the coveted Concentration Camp Inmate Look for a while. Make an effort. The only short-haired men in Viking society were slaves.
And to set the cherry on top of it, on the “Festivals” page it says of the film: “Has an underlying theme lightly touching on religion, human rights and global peace.”
They might as well just put a notice up—“Walker, you’ll hate this.”
The costumes look decent, though. And I like the music.
Nevertheless, my longsuffering wait for a good Viking movie goes on.
Write the screenplay.
Who better?
Phil Vischer notes in his autobiography one of his early attempts at filming a swordfight while still in High School. After King Arthur failed to miss his opponent when he stuck his sword into the muddy ground, Phil called his nurse mom to help.
“Mom, there’s been an injury. Can you come and help us out?”
“How bad is it?”
“There is an entry wound and an exit wound.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Sounds like the kind of guy you want filming your next Viking Epic (if you can get him away from his tomatoes and cucumbers).
Cool!