Here’s your Halloween post of horror with original reporting by me. Police across the nation are gearing up for a bizarre Halloween night this year, anticipating shooting rampaging in many neighborhoods in just about every city. No one is safe.
Blogs, Facebook pages, Twitter threads, overheard conversations, word on the street, telepathy–intelligence of every kind is leading police to conclude that thousands of parents of trick-or-treaters are planning to shoot children, neighbors, passersby, anything at any time. Deputy Mule Culwick of Huckshire Township said some parents even will have high-powered cameras capable of shooting pictures in very dim light.
Citizens are advised to avoid opening their doors tonight, especially when cute munchkins or specters of economic disaster ring the doorbell. Hurling candy at them may not be defense enough. Playing their game is out of the question. You may need to hire a ninja.
One kid: “Hey, I thought I had more candy than this?” (Ninja take from he with too much)
Two kids: “How’d we get so much candy in our bags?” (Ninja give to them with little)
Red kid: “Did we hit all the houses in this neighborhood already?” (Ninja sweep bad kids down street)
Blue kid: “Wow! I’ve got a handful of Smarties, and no one’s even opened their door to me yet!” (Ninja give candy without dangerous interaction from host. Also, Smarties official candy of Brandywine Books. Nerds also official.)
No chocolate? Can I name my own official candy?
Let me tell you about something that depressed me today. (You can’t wait I’m sure.) In the local freebie paper, the front page article is about the evils of pumpkins. Yes; I kid you not. Some local ‘advocate’ is on the rampage; all these carved Halloween pumpkins end up in the dump. He (a gov. employee) estimated the local effect (in terms of methane production)would be the equivalent of 300 elephants. (Sadly, I’m sure some people believe this kind of voodoo calculation. He didn’t tell us whether this would be over a day, a year or a lifetime; but never mind details :=)
– reading this I was reminded of a cynical comment by someone (deceased) that the Left seems to want to drain every bit of joy out of our society. (I don’t blame everyone on the Left for this, but there’s a sizable segment out there, that cannot restrain themselves on even the smallest ‘issue’ – even as they drive their SUV’s out to the fanciest French restuarant in town.)
Yes, yes. Big oversight. Name chocolate for official candy. You choose.
Ah, I’ll have to leave that to others. My chocolate taste is too boring for anybody else.
And yes, Orm. You’re exactly right. A lot of Baby Boomers are discovering, late in life, the exquisite pleasures of Pharisaism.
Ninja say Viking must choose. What harm it make? You say Hershey’s, no problem. You say M-Ms, no problem. You say little santas and bunnies, maybe that problem.
I could choose Freya Melkesjokolade from Norway, but that would just be ornery. And expensive. Three Musketeers Fun Size. I have spoken.