Gave blood tonight, for the first time since last January. I’m happy to report that my anemia is a thing of the past (“Your hemoglobin level is excellent,” said the technician). Still don’t know what caused that, though I insist that it’s the fault of the CPAP machine I was using back then. My doctor says there’s no way that could happen, but I didn’t achieve my present state of physical perfection by listening to doctors.



As a cultural conservative, I have the deepest reverence for the wisdom of our ancestors.

Which does not mean that our ancestors were not, from time to time, morons. Darwin aside, sometimes stupid people do get to pass their genetic patterns along, and some of those morons must have been the ancestors who designed this knife-and-fork set. It’s on offer from Museum Replicas, Ltd., the first stop of every historical reenactor who isn’t rich. They sell some quite good, inexpensive, Indian-made swords and armor, and a lot of banana squash. The knife and fork with built-in flintlock pistols comes, I think we can all agree, under the rubric of banana squash.

However, the original sin doesn’t belong to Windlass Steelcrafts, the owners of Museum Replicas. It belongs to some 18th Century gunsmith who said, “Hey, wouldn’t it be a great idea to make a cutlery set that, aside from being extremely uncomfortable to hold, conveniently points both weapons at your own body while you’re eating?” (Although the web page doesn’t say it, the MR catalog plainly states that these things are based on a real-world set.)

Clearly that gunsmith never took an NRA firearms safety course.

The replicas, you’ll be happy to know, are non-firing.

I generally consider non-firing replicas beneath the dignity of an adult.

In this case, I consider the whole thing beneath the dignity of marmosets.