While opening a carton of books from Zondervan Publishing today in the bookstore, a question occurred to me:
“Who was this man Zonderv, and what were his teachings? And who are his followers, these Zondervans? What do they really believe?”
Inquiring minds want to know.
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That, folks, is what you get here at Brandywine Books–questions what don’t get ask no wheres else! I tell you there’s value here, real value.
All you need to know Lars IS THAT YOU MUST RUN!!!!1!
Zonderv was a pioneering anthropologist way back in the 19th century who discovered the Zombolli American Indian tribe. The tribe had absolutely no contact with white folks until Zonderv came on the scene.
Zonderv brought iron tools, cotton, tourists, small-pox and Elmer’s Glue-all with him when he first encountered this pure, un-adulterated and unabridged tribe.
From his constant interference, or should I say influence, Zonderv created the first industrialized American Indian tribe in the world.
One of the tribe’s most famous industrial products was the copper impregnated Elmer’s Glue-all skull massage device, better known as the Spider Fingers Scalp Stress Reducer by Zondervan.
Zonderv is famous for his one line answer to the question of his involvement with the tribe;
“…a little Elmer’s Glue-all and look what you get, South Western Baptists.”
Today you can see the Zondervans all over the world with their little bottles of Elmer’s Glue-all clutched in their hands as they go from door to door preaching the Zondervian gospel.
They have of course seen the benefits of building the great Zondervan Publishing empire which brings in untold riches into it’s coffers. (Which I’m sure Lars is well aware of…)
(There was a split in this homogeneous group back in the 70s. One group believed in the Good Old Time Elmer’s White Glue-all while the youngsters of the tribe started going over to the Elmer’s Yellow Wood Glue-all.) But, that is another story…
Not to dwell on the negative, but recently there has been rumors of another few cracks in the tribe’s solidarity. A new group in the tribe has decided that Elmer’s New Brown Wood Glue-all is the way to go and is pushing for acceptance in the tribal council. Time will tell…
One of the most famous Zondervians was Icky Schwartz, Civil War aerial balloonist and World War One fighter pilot ace. But, this too is another story.
Zondervan, his teachings and his followers have an interesting and colorful history since it first began…. but, that too is another story…
Valuable information, John.
Have inquiring minds thought of checking Wikipedia? 😉