This is for our friend, Hunter Baker of Union U.
- There’s nothing worse than having a billboard block your view of a gorgeous sunrise. That’s why I use The Awayinator, an environmentally safe dashboard ray gun that will zap those billboards into the nothingnessville. Ahh! A clear view with the touch of a button. (A Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. Invention)
- There’s nothing worse than unrequited love. That’s why I use Money, a technique scientifically proven to keep women from falling out of love with you. Try it yourself today. Where all quality products are sold. Seriously, everywhere.
- There’s nothing worse than getting your key stuck in the ignition when the zombies are storming your parking lot, except perhaps eating a stale Rice Krispy treat when you sit there thinking what a dummy you are for paying $3 for what looks like a big, marshmallowy treat that can’t be stale because it’s $3 for Pete’s sake and yet in the back of your mind a little voice says it’s going to be stale and you argue with that little voice, spend the money, and take a bite–man, I hate that.
There’s nothing worse than that local commercial I sometimes hear, where the announcer starts out saying, “There’s nothing worse than a crack in your windshield!” Hey, buddy. Over here. I’ll show you something worse.
Women might stay in love longer with a more obsessive proofreader.
Seriously, a fun post. I almost bought a marshmallow bar yesterday.
Though my sins offend thine eyes, know that they come only by thinking of you too steadily, thereby typing woman, not women, as I ought.