Scandinavians are so culturally identified with coffee that one of America’s foremost brands actually made a Scandinavian (of unspecified nationality) their spokeswoman for more than twenty years, a period of time popularly known as “our long national caffeine-induced nightmare.”

From 1965 to 1986, Virginia Christine, an actress of Swedish extraction, played “Mrs. Olson” in one of the longest-lived commercial campaigns in history. Throughout those years this diabolical old harridan, obviously unhappily married herself, insinuated herself into other people’s domestic problems, like this.

According to her Wikipedia page, Ms. Christine spent her declining years as a Planned Parenthood volunteer, which explains a lot, it seems to me. Clearly she was slipping contraceptive drugs into these people’s coffee. Which obviously accounts for the dropping birth rates that characterized the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s.

Coffee. A clear and present danger to the republic.