Gary Saul Morson describes “The Moral Urgency of Anna Karenina,” starting with this idea about drama and happiness.
Often quoted but rarely understood, the first sentence of Anna Karenina—“All happy families resemble each other; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”—offers a paradoxical insight into what is truly important in human lives. What exactly does this sentence mean?
In War and Peace and in a variant of Anna Karenina, Tolstoy quotes a French proverb: “Happy people have no history.” Where there are dramatic events, where there is material for an interesting story, there is unhappiness. The old curse—“May you live in interesting times!”—suggests that the more narratable a life is, the worse it is.
With happy lives and happy families, there is no drama to relate. What are you going to say: They woke up, breakfasted, didn’t quarrel, went to work, dined pleasantly, and didn’t quarrel again?
Happy families resemble each other because there is no story to tell about them. But unhappy families all have stories, and each story is different.
I was writing about this idea yesterday. Patience and tolerance are demonstrated in undramatic ways. People don’t make flamboyant displays of tolerance unless they are passive-aggressively attempting to communicate something else. Real tolerance comes in what isn’t said, what isn’t confronted. The person who listens to you, stays with you through the dull times, and makes you feel loved is the patient one.
A while back, a video guy told me about working on a TV project which was essentially Jon & Kate Plus 8 with an African-American family. They recorded several situations with this family, but the project never came together because the parents were loving and self-controlled and their kids were well-mannered and disciplined. Whenever a child started to get out of line, a parent would take him aside and correct him. Problem solved = no drama. Who wants to watch a loving family handle their problems respectfully?
Paul Johnson, in Intellectuals, I think, argues that Tolstoy’s statement is actually the opposite of the truth. Happy families are diverse, creative, and unpredictable, while unhappy families fall into the same old patterns of dysfunction, as any counselor knows.
I understand the point Morson is making, but I think it’s more true for fiction than real life. Or maybe it’s just that “happy” and “interesting” are two different things. There’s a reason we say “too much drama” about certain situations in real life, but never in fiction.
That’s an excellent point. Happiness isn’t mere contentment, which can happen while we rest. It’s usually rejoicing over a thing, which is a creative act.
My kids have been enjoying The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family. As I watch those old family shows again after all these I am impressed with the somewhat realistic view of family life they portray. Every episode is about some challenge coming in to take away their happiness that has to be defeated by building communication, trust, forbearance, forgiveness, thoughtfulness, or some other tool in the happy family toolbox. While the half hour sit-com format requires quite a bit of over-dramatization and over-simplification, the basic message comes through that happiness doesn’t just happen. It has to be constantly wrested away from the forces of dysfunction.