This is from a published work. “Her pensive frown drew me like a smell from childhood.”

You know, I’m pretty familiar with childhood smells. I can smell one now, as a matter of fact, a powerful, pervading smell from a cute, little child. But this simile doesn’t work for other reasons. Let’s talk about it.

My first thought is the writer has mixed two senses. Her face or her thoughtful, moody appearance appeals to him. He sees her and remembers … an odor?

What if he saw she was deep in thought, and frowning in an adorable way? Perhaps she frowned over her hands at the floor. I walked up to her and said, “You remind me of a cookie.” Anyway, my good wife, who is not frowning now, said this sentence and the paragraph with it would be improved by focusing on the girl, not the narrator’s emotional reaction to her.

The sentence reminds me of these: “Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.”

“She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.”

That’s good writing.