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Netflix review and writing update: ‘The Last Kingdom’

Harry Gilby as Aethelstan in ‘The Last Kingdom’

Okay, I’ve capped my superhuman achievement of watching the Vikings series all the way through, by watching all 5 seasons – plus the final 2-hour movie – of the Netflix series, The Last Kingdom.

As I opined in a previous post, The Last Kingdom benefits from a previous viewing of Vikings, because it looks better by that comparison. But, as is the way of this world, things deteriorated as they went on.

The first two seasons followed Bernard Cornwell’s original novels fairly well – or so I’m told. (I haven’t read the books myself.)

Starting with Season 3, one seems to discern the influence of the Vikings series. One imagines studio executives gathering the writers in a shadowy dungeon, threatening them with racks, iron maidens, and thumbscrews, and telling them, “Make it more like Vikings. Which means more like Game of Thrones. Give us more treachery. More betrayal. The shortest distance between any two points ought to be through a knife wound in the back.”

Thus (aside from the obvious – such as the hero Uhtred’s adoption of Ragnar Lothbrok’s ahistorical rooster’s comb haircut), we see characters changing their personalities abruptly, for no particular reason. They make unreasonable demands, tell lies for the fun of it, and choose suicidal policies guaranteed to make enemies out of friends. The point is not realism, but the maximum possible treachery. I said that it’s Uhtred’s idiotic life choices that propel the plot in the early seasons. Later on, Uhtred becomes the voice of reason, restraining a succession of kings from one disastrous, counterintuitive caprice after another.

I was particularly disappointed, in the later seasons and the final movie, of the treatment of King Athelstan, one of my personal favorites. I’m fond of Athelstan because he raised Norway’s King Haakon the Good at his court, and made him a Christian.

[Spoiler alert] In the final movie, Seven Kings Must Die, Athelstan, who’s been a decent fellow up to now, suddenly murders his brother treacherously (something that absolutely did not happen in real life), and is also portrayed as a homosexual.

Yeah, I should have seen that coming. Athelstan never married or fathered a child, so obviously he must have been homosexual. As you can probably understand, I take that canard personally.

Interestingly, Paul Anderson, in his novel, Mother of Kings, makes Athelstan’s foster son, Haakon, a homosexual.

Fictioneers have treated this admirable pair very shabbily.

And it occurred to me then that somebody ought to write a good novel about Haakon’s life, emphasizing his education (there’s a good chance he might even have been literate) at Athelstan’s court.

Eric Schumacher has written a series of books on Haakon, but I read the first one and didn’t like his treatment.

And then I thought of a Bridge Character for a Haakon story. Which means I’ll have to write the book now.

I’ve mentioned more than once that I attribute the success of my Erling books (success as literary works, not financial success, obviously) to the insertion of Father Ailill as a bridge character. A bridge character is a character with a relatable enough personality that he can explain a very alien, antique culture to modern readers. (Hobbits are the classic bridge characters in Tolkien, which is why The Lord of the Rings is so much more accessible than the Silmarillion.)

This bridge character came to me almost in a moment. He won’t be anything like Father Ailill. In fact, he’ll be a Viking himself.

How can a Viking be a bridge character to the Viking Age?

This will not be your ordinary Viking.

Watch this space for the next couple years, for more information.

Watching ‘The Last Kingdom’

themoviedb.org

What does an amateur Viking scholar do once he’s finished watching the interminable, insufferable “Vikings” series from the History Channel and Netflix?

He watches “The Last Kingdom,” as a man who’s had his joints dislocated on the rack might feel some relief at merely having an arm broken.

“The Last Kingdom” is, of course, based on a series of novels by Bernard Cornwell. That provides a sort of tether for the whole project, keeping it from flying off into the clouds as the “Vikings” series did.

The hero of the story is Uhtred of Bebbanburg, who (as far as I know) is a fictional character. Starting out as the unloved son of an English nobleman, he is kidnapped by Vikings (“Danes” as the English always called them) and adopted into their family. Later, when his adopted family is murdered by other, treacherous Danes, he finds himself joining the forces of King Aethelred of Wessex, and after his death, his brother Alfred (soon to be the Great).

What drives the plot is mainly the fact that Uhtred is an idiot. At every juncture, he ignores sensible advice and chooses the suicidal grand gesture. But because he’s a great fighter, he manages to survive, careening from one misadventure to another but always frustrated in his main goal – to reclaim his ancestral domains.

I watched one episode some years back, and was disappointed with the inaccuracies. Bad costumes (the leather and fur that look so good on screen but are impractical in real life). Bad weapons and armor – Uhtred’s sword has an anachronistic double-handed grip with a round pommel, and he carries it in a back scabbard (you never see him draw the sword, because back scabbards don’t work that way, and nobody used them in the 9th Century anyway).

In the third season, Uhtred suddenly shows up with a Ragnar Lothbrok haircut, which seems to indicate the malign influence of the “Vikings” series. Wikipedia suggests that the series begins deviating heavily from the books at that point. We’re seeing more female warriors (you can make a case for Aethelflaed of Mercia, I suppose, though I don’t think history says she actually swung a sword as a warrior herself). The plots – it seems to me – are a little less plausible now than during the previous seasons.

I respect Bernard Cornwell as a fine writer, though I’ve always found him cynical about Christianity – it must be admitted,  though, that there are some admirable Christians in “The Last Kingdom” to balance the hypocrites and grifters.

But all in all, I can’t find an excuse to quit this series after having slogged through the No Man’s Land of “The Vikings.” “The Last Kingdom” isn’t bad. Comparatively.

Video review: ‘The Last Kingdom’

The Last Kingdom
Note the back scabbard. Also the inauthentic two-handed grip on the sword.

Someone on Facebook told me The Last Kingdom, the BBC TV adaptation of Bernard Cornwell’s series of novels about the days of Alfred the Great, was really good. So I watched one episode. Then someone else on Facebook said that it was all right, but Cornwell’s antipathy toward the Christian church was implicit throughout. So I decided I wouldn’t watch any more.

But that won’t stop me reviewing what I saw.

First of all, it seemed to me superior, from a historical perspective, to the execrable Vikings series on the History Channel. Cornwell is a serious historical novelist, and so the story bears some recognizable resemblance to real events and conditions. The picture of the Danes in England follows reality to an extent.

I was mostly troubled by the design of the production – the kind of muddy look that is so characteristic of the Vikings series. Everybody dresses dull, in browns and grays. In fact, the Vikings (as well as the Anglo-Saxons) loved bright colors, and chose them whenever they could afford them.

And the armor. Mostly leather armor, and helmets that seem inspired by real Viking stuff, but are oddly… vestigial. As if manufactured for Wal Mart. Where are the bright corselets, the gilded shields, the boar-crested helms of Beowulf (a roughly contemporary poem)?

And back scabbards. I am so sick of back scabbards. The Vikings didn’t use them, the English didn’t use them. The only way to make a back scabbard work is to strap it real tight, so it doesn’t shift around, and that will chafe you very efficiently after a few hours’ march, believe you me.

The Danes’ hall wasn’t bad, except for the upper gallery, which has no archaeological warrant. But I could forgive that, I guess.

Still, all and all, The Last Kingdom wasn’t appealing enough to persuade me to endure the ecclesiophobia of the overall production.