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‘The Ballad of Casey Jones’

Yesterday I had three ideas for blog posts, all of which seemed to me both intriguing and easy to remember – so why write them down?

Today, of course, I’ve forgotten them all.

The only thing I came up with today – for no reason I can think of – was the song in the video above, quaintly illustrated with footage of model trains. Well, I’m the grandson of a railroad man (a line foreman), so why not post about the legendary Casey Jones?

As a child, I thought of Casey Jones as a burly blonde man, due to seeing a syndicated TV series about him starring Alan Hale, Jr. (later to be Skipper on “Gilligan’s Island”), and a local Minnesota kids’ TV show, starring a guy constructed along roughly the same lines. In fact, Jones was a tall, thin, dark-haired fellow. His name was John Luther Jones (1864-1900). He was born in Missouri, but his family moved to Cayce, Kentucky, from which he acquired the nickname “Casey.” He married a Roman Catholic girl in 1886 and converted to that church.

Jones went to work for the Mobile & Ohio Railroad as a telegraph operator, but rose rapidly to the lofty position of engineer, moving to the Illinois Central railroad. He achieved, if not celebrity, at least some public distinction during the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair, when he was one of the engineers assigned to carry tourists to the fairgrounds. He was popular with the passengers, and enjoyed the work.

As an engineer, he was known to be a risk-taker. There were penalties for skirting safety rules, and he racked up a fair number of them, but Jones and the other engineers were well aware that the penalties for late arrival were greater. In any case, he seems to have liked the challenge. He was a speed junky – in a later time he might have been a race car driver or jet pilot. He was proud of his “on time” record, and is credited with performing an authentic real-life rescue worthy of a movie – sighting a child standing frozen on the tracks as he worked on the engine’s running board, he climbed out onto the cowcatcher and scooped her safely up in his arms.

He worked out of Jackson, Tennessee until 1900, the year of his death, when he transferred to Memphis. On April 30, 1900, at 12:50 a.m., he boarded his regular engine 75 minutes behind schedule (accounts differ as to whether he’d been given time to rest properly). The weather and track conditions were good, and he whooped and poured on the speed, confident he could make up the time. Unbeknownst to him, a train stalled at Vaughn, Mississippi, too long for the siding, was blocking the track. A flagman had been sent out to give warning, but Jones either did not see him or saw him too late. When he realized he was going to plow into the other train, he blew the whistle (as a warning), reversed the engine, and told his fireman to jump. He himself stayed in place. His train hit the boxcar, derailed, and finally came to a rest. There were some injuries, but only Casey Jones died. Since that time there have been quibbles, but most people considered him a hero.

“The Ballad of Casey Jones” seems to have been first sung by Wallace Saunders, a black engine wiper who’d been a friend of Casey’s. However, it’s not certain what words or music he sang; he never wrote them down. The ballad evolved into the folk song we know today. It’s been recorded by many artists.

The Commie labor agitator Joe Hill wrote a version called, “Casey Jones, the Union Scab,” which was a vile slander – John Luther Jones was a paid-up union member.

The Uber of 2 evils

Photo credit: Jon Tyson (jontyson). Unsplash license.

“How’s it going?” a hypothetical interlocutor asks me.

Well, stuff is happening. My life is not dull. On a positive note, I just got an opportunity (not a lead-pipe cinch, but a possibility) to get involved in a writing project. I’m not going to tell you what it is right now. If I make the cut, I’ll let you know. If not, I’ll plausibly deny any and all knowledge of the whole matter, an eternally believable dodge in my case.

I have, I think I’ve mentioned before, two separate editing jobs with deadlines coming up soon. One pays money, the other (I can only hope) treasures in Heaven.

Have I done any more driving for Uber Eats? Not this week. I’ve been busy with the editing stuff, and – can I be frank with you? – I’m still a little scared. I’ve learned a lot in my first few runs, and one thing I’ve learned is that my Android phone is way underpowered. The many glitches I’ve experienced in the Uber Eats app are (I now suspect) due to my phone just running out of memory. I’d already decided to restart the thing after each delivery. Now I plan to refuse all “stacked” deliveries – deliveries where you pick up from two vendors located close to each other, and then deliver both in a single run. Every time I try that, the app refuses to give me directions, and I have to switch to Google Maps. I’ll see if doing only singles makes it better.

But not tonight. More editing has come in. I figure I need to prioritize the editing, even though shirking Uber Eats embarrasses me.

A friend suggested I get a new phone. I told him that if I could afford a new phone, I probably wouldn’t be driving for Uber Eats.

Life, said the wise man, is a choice of the lesser of two embarrassments.

Surprised by A.I.

I found this video on YouTube. It seems to me both wonderful and troubling.

First of all, Jack Lewis is using “my” microphone. It’s a Blue Yeti, and I have one exactly like it, even unto the color. (Or “colour,” as he would have spelled it.)

Secondly, it’s pretty well done, except for a couple glitches. The voice appears to be cloned from Lewis’ well-known The Four Loves recordings. (On the downside, I’ve read a statement from one of Lewis’s friends, who says that that was not his normal speaking style.)

The troubling aspect is – of course – just that this is A.I. I’m almost obligated to hate A.I., which took a much-needed job away from me.

The very idea of resurrecting actual humans through A.I. is just disturbing to many of us, whether it’s affected our bottom lines or not. It seems creepy, like necromancy. However, I’m not sure that creepy feeling is to be trusted. When radio was a new technology, there was a fair number of sincere Christians who denounced it as demonic – voices coming through the air; that has to come from the domain of the Prince of the Powers of the Air! (For our young readers, that’s a biblical reference to the devil (Ephesians 2:2 in the King James Version).

But the bottom line, for me, is that I found it kind of fun.

I’d like to see more of this sort of stuff, and no doubt I will. Maybe somebody can recreate Moody preaching, or Jonathan Edwards declaiming “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” (contemporaries reported that he read it from a manuscript, in a very rote voice).

The best thing about A.I. might be that it could kill Hollywood. We can bring back the great actors of the past and cast them in new movies, bypassing Wokeness. I’d love to see a young Clint Eastwood playing Travis McGee, for instance. Authors could have total control of film adaptations. Who wants to do an A.I. production of The Year of the Warrior for 50 bucks? I might be able to spring for half of that.

The quest for the saint

Medieval altar to Saint Olaf preserved in Nidaros Cathedral.

Someone on Basefook brought this project to my attention. The idea is to locate the lost bones of St. Olaf (best remembered as a character in my Erling novels) for scientific and cultural purposes.

For a saint as problematic as he was in life, St. Olaf swung disproportionate weight in the religious life of the European Middle Ages. His shrine in Nidaros Cathedral was a rich and elaborate one, making the city of Trondheim a very popular pilgrimage destination (perhaps people calculated that the hard trip over Norwegian terrain would earn them extra penance points). Pilgrims streamed in from all over Europe, lifting up prayers, looking for miracles, and spending money. Sigrid Undset describes such pilgrimages in several of her novels.

During the Reformation, Olaf’s shrine was demolished and broken up, the proceeds going to the king. Yet it seems that the bones themselves were not destroyed. Instead, they seem to have been re-buried covertly. Anyone who knew the secret of their location did not pass it on. But now there’s this project to rediscover them using modern scientific techniques.

My Basefook friends have expressed mixed views on the project. Many of them are – reasonably – concerned that if the bones are recovered, they will once again become the object of pilgrimages and devotion. We Protestants don’t hold with that stuff, and I agree.

Yet, all things considered, I’m for it. I believe in freedom of religion, so let the Roman Catholics do what they like. If it serves as a counterweight to the advance of Islam in Europe, it’s the lesser of two evils, it seems to me. What I’d like is for Lutheran Norway to be preserved, but I’ll take a Catholic Norway over a Muslim one.

Also, I’ll be interested in what analysis of the bones will reveal.

I signed the petition. I’ll be watching the project’s progress with interest.

In which I coach from the bleacher seats

Photo credit: Fotos. Unsplash license.

I pick up a fair number of novels through free and low-price offers from various sources. I made it about a third of the way through one of them recently before I dumped it. “Why did you do such a thing?” you ask, wide-eyed. I shall explain.

I won’t give you the title or the author; I don’t like dissing a book unless I’ve taken the trouble to finish it. And the prose was actually okay, if somewhat unimaginative. The book was part of an ongoing series. The series involves a private eye who’s struggling with a deteriorating relationship with the woman he fell in love with in an earlier episode. He’s also constantly bullied by the office manager at the agency he works for (she’s his boss’s mother). And he’s a slave to his cat.

What struck me about this detective “hero” was that he was almost entirely what’s nowadays called a “beta”. He’s supposed to be big and strong and capable of handling himself, but he’s constantly worrying about his relationship and his job and his pet. I began to suspect that the author of the book must have been a woman writing under a man’s name, but maybe it was a male author aiming at the female audience. Because this (in my experience) is how woman authors tend to frame their stories.

Make no mistake – I like my heroes to have home lives and relationships. I just don’t like to see them “simping” all over the place. (I’m pretty sure that if I ever had a girlfriend, I’d be a gold-medal simp, but that doesn’t make me admire such behavior.)

I’m going to say something now that will probably offend our female readers (there might be as many as five in all, I suppose). I think this whole feminism thing has been a misunderstanding.

You know the constant complaint women have about men? That men want to go ahead and fix things, while women simply want to talk about them? I think that’s our problem in a global sense.

The female point of view has been explained to me thus: When a woman talks to a man about a problem, she’s not actually talking about the particular thing she brought up. She just wants to talk about her general unhappiness, and that precise problem is only meant as an opening example. What she wants is to explore the whole range of her concerns. When the man jumps in and “fixes” it, he’s short-circuiting the process by which women naturally work through things.

I think feminism is the same thing, on a grand scale. The women of the world (or at least the West) said, “We’re unhappy. We can’t have careers like men do. We’re restricted to motherhood or nursing or clerical work.” So the men went ahead and fixed it. We gave them all kinds of opportunities, so that now they dominate the universities and are beginning to dominate business and politics.

And the women are more unhappy than ever.

Because that wasn’t the actual problem. They’re still waiting to work out the actual problem. Meanwhile, we’re surrounded by miserable female businesspeople, academics, and politicians.

I think we need to talk it all over again, and we men should listen this time.

Or rather, the rest of you men should. I’m old and single. I’ll just sit over here and read a book.

My weekend as a cultural ambassador

Above, you may savor the view I enjoyed most of this past weekend, as I sat in all my splendor in the Viking camp at iFest Minnesota, at the St. Paul RiverCentre. As you can almost see, I was conveniently close to the French patisserie, which is behind the woman in the white sweatshirt – though I can say with pride that I only purchased one of their offerings – a strawberry-and-whipped cream crépe, which I divided with a friend. (I’m taking my doctor’s warnings about blood glucose seriously.)

The whole festival, Friday and Saturday, was pretty generally a success. This is a festival that had gone on for decades, and then died during Covid. But now they’re trying to revive it under a hip new name. The results were promising. Friday was mostly a day for school groups, so the place was filled with shrieking younglings. Such a crowd does not buy a lot of books, though. After the kids were gone, attendance was poor, and we worried a little. This, by the way, is what our camp looked like:

We were conveniently close to the Men’s Room (which I always appreciate) as well as to the food booths. The cultural exhibits (with their wares) were way over on the other side, and I never ventured there. This is not a time for discretionary expenditures.

We were also close to a music stage. Generally I enjoyed the music, but some of it did get a little loud – which made it difficult for a deaf old man to sell books.

But sell books I did. Crowds were gratifying on Saturday, and I had one of the best bookselling days I’ve ever had. Two different customers sprang for the whole Erling Saga all at once – and one of them bought Viking Legacy too.

I was also surprised (and pleased) by the interest so many people displayed in the Vikings. I sold Viking Legacy to two or three people who were distinctly non-Caucasian; genuine interest without personal stakes, which I have to admire. I spent some time telling a young woman in a burka about the extent of Viking voyaging. I spoke of Christian faith with a lovely young Phillipine woman. And I was “interviewed” (sort of, it wasn’t recorded that I could see) by somebody from Minnesota Public Radio who was curious about our group.

So all in all, a great (and profitable) weekend. Sunday I crashed, of course, a spent force

Becoming an Uber Eats mensch

Photo credit: Getty Images. Unsplash license.

Looking back over my recent posts, I note that I have not yet updated you on my progress as an Uber Eats delivery driver. No doubt that omission accounts for the unsettled state of the commonwealth lately.

I can report that I’ve gone out on two evenings, and made a total of three deliveries. I messed up each of them in some way, but I remain (to my own surprise) undaunted. I approach the experience with fear, and am full of self-criticism the following day – but while I’m actually driving, there’s a strange sense of exhilaration. I thought I was immune to the thrill of novelty, but apparently even old dogs can enjoy new tricks.

The first night was last Thursday around 5:00 p.m. It was cool and misty out. I drove up to Brooklyn Center, near the ancient ruins of Brookdale Mall, because there are a lot of fast food places in that area. After receiving a bunch of ridiculous job suggestions (Uber Eats always throws a lot of low-paying – even money-losing – rides at you when you first log on), I got an order for about $6.00 for a ride of about 2 miles (as I recall). I took that and drove to Wing Stop. I carried my newly purchased hot bag (red in color) inside. The order was ready, but it took a couple minutes to get the clerk’s attention. At last he handed me the sack, and also a cup, telling me the customer wanted a Dr. Pepper, and I needed to fill that myself at the automated fountain.

This is where I messed up, no doubt due to nerves. I filled the cup, snapped a lid on it, took a straw, and then (stupidly) put the cup in the bag with the food, zipping them both inside.

When I got out to my car, I had some frightened moments, wondering what I’d done with the drink. When I looked in the hot bag, there it was, and of course it had tipped over. Some of the pop had spilled. I emptied the spilled soda pop onto the ground, and drove to make my delivery. The customer, as promised, met me outside their house, and the delivery was completed. The paper sack was a little wet, but not too bad, I thought.

I would have done another run, but of course my hot bag was now wet with soda pop inside. I opted to go home and wash it out. It was enough that I’d done a delivery, I figured. Take things in baby steps.

Friday was full of other matters, so I went out again Saturday evening. I thought I’d lurk in the town of Crystal instead of Brooklyn Center that night. There are a lot of eating places around there too. But when a decent job showed up, it sent me right back to Brooklyn Center. As I drove, another offer showed up (we call that “stacking.” It means you can do two deliveries in roughly the same area, saving time and increasing pay). So I took that too. (In trepidation, but I took it.)

My first stop was Panda Express. Drove in, and that’s when the trouble started. The Uber Eats app was absolutely certain I had not arrived yet. The map said I was there, but the app wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do when you arrive (as I understood it). I went in and got the order, but in my car, I was still unable to inform the app that I was where I was. Not only could I not proceed to the delivery map, I couldn’t make my second pickup either.

In desperation, I called the deliveree and asked for their address. I drove to their place under the guidance of Google Maps, and made the delivery. Then I called support and explained to somebody in India what had happened. He said they’d fix it and give me credit for the delivery. I asked if I should still do the second delivery, and he said I should.

So I went to Little Caesar’s Pizza. Same problem. I solved it the same way, and made a similar call to India.

At that point I figured either the app was glitching, or (somehow more likely) I was doing something wrong. I decided to close up shop for the night and do some research on how to use the app properly.

Tonight my friend from my Bible study group, the guy who urged me to take this mad course in the first place, has promised to ride along with me for one delivery, to show me what I’m doing wrong. Once that’s accomplished, I assume the low places will be exalted and the high places made low, and I will sweep all before me, going from strength to strength.

Life is full of surprises when you’re absent-minded

Photo credit: Getty Images. Unsplash license.

What progress have I made in easing into Uber Eats driving?, you ask breathlessly. “Well,” I can say, “I watched a few more instructional videos, and (with much prayer and fasting) I also opened the actual app and set up a couple things.

Baby steps.

A funny thing happened the other day while I was working on the magazine for the Valdres Samband (an organization for descendants of immigrants from a particular region of Norway), which I edit.

A while back, one of my stalwart helpers sent me a link to an autobiography, the length of a short book, by one of the pioneer Norwegian pastors in the Midwest. Because of its length, I’ve split the work into three sections for publication– and an appended tribute to his wife will constitute a fourth installment. Good reading for historically-minded people, which our members tend to be.

But I had some trouble working with the text, which came to me in a pdf. You can copy and paste from a pdf to a Word document, but you’ve got to watch it every minute, because the algorithm often mistakes words (especially Norwegian words) and punctuation. And one of the pages got scanned crooked. That one couldn’t be copied and pasted at all; it would have to be transcribed. I was trying to print that page to work from, because it’s a pain to switch from one browser tab to another, but my printer had gone on strike (we have since come to an accommodation).

And then, while going through my saved files, I discovered a Word document with the same title as the biography. I opened it and – what do you know? – I had already edited the whole document for publication, and forgotten about it completely. I guess I did it after I finished the last issue, just to ease my future labors. Ungrateful wretch that I am, I failed to remember my own generosity to myself.

Is this a sign of approaching dementia? Could be, but I think I’ve always been like this. “Boy, you’ve got a one-track mind,” my dad used to say. Once a thing is out of my sight, I tend to forget its existence. Which explains why nothing’s ever put away in my house. Also my social life.

I’ve probably got the Great American Novel tucked away somewhere around here, lost down the memory hole.

Driven to extremes

Photo credit, Why Kei, whykei. Unsplash license.

From time to time in this space I’ve announced exciting new developments in my employment history. I’m afraid I may have bragged a little, boasting about translation jobs and books (self-) published.

Today I must humble myself, as is appropriate in Lent. My delusions of grandeur are past. My pomp has taken physic. I have signed up to drive for Uber Eats.

I complained of my financial challenges to the guys in my Bible study, and one of them kept urging me to try UE. “You can work when you want,” he says, “and pick your jobs.” Also, you don’t need a very nice car, like an Uber driver, which matters in my case.

So I did it. My understanding was that the vetting process would take a few days, but I got approved in one. I was not prepared for this; I figured I’d have more time to summon up my blood and play the tiger. However, the YouTube videos I’ve been watching suggest that you really ought to have a hot bag to keep your orders warm (or cold), and my order for one of those won’t show up till Thursday. So I’ll hold off till then.

On Thursday, I’ll probably come up with another excuse for delay. I am, to say the least, a timid driver.

The great joke of it has not escaped me – I lost my translating gig due to Artificial Intelligence, and this job is likely to go the same way. Even as I write (according to news reports), Uber is testing out self-driving delivery vehicles.

I suppose we all wonder where this will end. What job is safe from our digital overlords? I’m convinced that AI will never do creative work to match human art. But what it can do is work cheap. It’s the ultimate illegal immigrant, undercutting wages for the natives.

But if nobody has a job anymore, who’s going to buy all those cheap products? And how will mere humans subsist?

Perhaps after the Great Revolution, every human will be assigned a personal robot. That robot will do the human’s work, and the human will be paid for it, being legally responsible for the maintenance of the machine.

But what will we do with our spare time, then? Judging by our current behavior in the first stages of AI, I’m not optimistic.

A medicine for melancholy

Photo credit: weston m, shootnmatch. Unsplash license.

Beautiful day in Robbinsdale; the first really beautiful day of the year. The temperature soared to 70 degrees. Tomorrow will only be 45, and Friday colder yet, but still. It happened. We had a nice day. Means a lot in Minnesota.

I went to see my doctor this morning, to have him look at a small infection in one of my fingers. It wasn’t swollen to the size of a Hostess Twinkie, and it didn’t hurt all that much, but it just wouldn’t heal up. I’ve tolerated it for about a month, faithfully feeding it Neosporin and re-bandaging it twice a day, but it refuses to take the hint. So, shame-faced, feeling like a sissy, I went to see my personal physician. I fully expected him to sneer and tell me to rub some dirt on it, but he dutifully prescribed an antibiotic.

Now I’m waiting for the prescription. I am, to tell the truth, growing disillusioned with Walgreens. The last prescription my doctor sent them sat unfilled for a week, until I went in personally and requested an explanation. (They needed my new insurance information as it turned out, but they might have – you know – sent me a message informing me of the problem.) Now I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to go in and hold them up for my Miracle Bread Mold. I remember an old gag from Al Capp’s Li’l Abner comic strip, where somebody wanders into the Dogpatch post office and asks if there’s any mail for him, and the postmaster drawls, “Well, looky here – Ah got this Speshul Dee-livery letter fer yuh 20 years ago. Ah been meanin’ to drop it off next time I was in your neck o’ the woods.” Walgreens seems to have adopted a similar policy for prescriptions.

That wasn’t even what I meant to post about tonight.

I wanted to talk a little more about April’s Fool by Scott Bell, the delightful cop novel I reviewed last night. When I ask myself, what made it so much fun? the answer was easy – the hero was cheerful.

You realize how rare cheerful main characters are in today’s fiction?

Now I’m not exactly a world ambassador for happiness. I’m known, among my constantly shrinking circle of friends, as the Ancient Mariner at every wedding, the Banquo at every feast.

But I am not immune to the charm of a cheerful voice. I can’t produce the effect, but I can respond to it.

We have a highly false stereotype in literature, it seems to me, that says happiness equals shallowness (I blame the Russians). Anyone who acquires a teaspoon full of wisdom, our stories proclaim, must necessarily be plunged into despair.

Several of the police mystery series I follow – and enjoy – have heroes that blur together in my memory. I can’t distinguish one from the other, because they all have the same back story. Every bloody one of them is mourning the death of a beloved wife. He has never gotten over it, and he obsesses on his job to mask his grief.

I’m not saying it’s entirely unrealistic. But it’s become a trope.

Life, you’ll note, isn’t like that. Aren’t the best leaders people who know how to raise other people’s spirits? Aren’t optimistic people more likely to succeed than pessimists (such as I)?

If we want to be realistic as writers, shouldn’t most of our heroes (unless we’re writing tragedy) be optimists?

I think this qualifies as testimony against interest, so you should pay attention.