I suppose we should all take a second to revel in this rare moment of national unity. By which I mean, of course, the cold weather. All across America, from capital A to shining small a, citizens are sharing the Minnesota Experience. We used to say the winter weather keeps the riffraff out, but it doesn’t seem to be working very well.

Anyway, it’s cold. On Sunday morning I got up for church, put on my suit and trench coat and hat (I’m the only guy at my church who dresses that way for services, but somebody’s got to show the flag), and went out to the garage and got in my car.

And I couldn’t get the door to latch. I slammed it a few times. It caught at last.

And then I checked to see if I could open it again, and I couldn’t.

I hit the buttons on the remote. I hit the buttons on the door. Nothing.

Now I could, in theory, have driven to church and crawled out the passenger side. But after trying it in the garage, I found it was a lot of effort for an old fat man in a long coat. So I gave up on church.

I am, indeed, a fair weather disciple.

My primary theory was that some water had gotten into the door when I washed the car last week, and had frozen, and that was the problem.

Yesterday, I squirted WD-40 into the keyhole. Tried to turn the key, and it still wouldn’t unlock. I gave it overnight to marinate.

Today it was still frozen. I used a hair dryer to warm the lock up. A sleeveless and bootless task, as the English used to say. (I think.)

Tomorrow will be a little warmer. If I still can’t get the thing open, I’ll assume the problem is not ice but mechanics, and try to get an appointment at my garage.

Why you should care about this I have no idea. I’m still at post-translation loose ends. I did nothing today, writing-wise, except to start getting my figures into a spreadsheet for my tax preparer.

As I’ve said too many times, my taxes are way too complicated for my low income. You could say, as far as that goes, that it’s a good thing my script translation gig has gone the way of the floppy disc. At least I don’t have to fill out forms for foreign income. H. & R. Block charges for every form.

But does that make up for losing the right to honestly tell chicks I’m “in the movie business”?

I might be able to tell you if I’d ever tried it.