Ever thought about how a well-known story might end differently? A post on this topic could be a magnet of unwanted spoilers, but I’ll send it anyway. Throwing reality or plausibility aside, what popular story changes would you suggest?

Return of the Jedi–Yoda: Now the truth know you must. Vader, your father he is not. Solo your father, and Leia . . . gasp, cough, cough.

Luke: What about Leia? She couldn’t be . . .

Yoda: Mother.

Luke: Ewww.

Star Trek 4–Kahn isn’t dead after all, and the really old geezer will finally get revenge.

Star Trek 5–They Saved Kahn’s Brain

The Wizard of Oz–The Wizard: But this is Kansas, Dorothy. It’s been Kansas all along. You just have to know it in your heart.

Sherlock Holmes: Unsolved Mysteries–Watson: Holmes hasn’t been able to solve a single crime since the encounter with the woman. For instance, one I had to solve for him came to us on a Monday morning. . . .

I have achieved a sort of anonymous immortality through this post at Pajamas Media by Bryan Preston. Bryan’s a Facebook friend of mine, and the Facebook friend he quotes at the bottom of the first page, the one who came up with the Homer Simpson gag, was me.

(Caution for the faint of heart—political snark abounds.)

Roy Jacobsen came up with the answer to my Filing Cabinet Drawer Label Joke Challenge yesterday. As he notes, my labels are based on some lines from Harold Arlen’s classic song, “Blues In the Night.” I admit I cheated, rearranging the towns so they’d be alphabetical. But I still think it’s funny.

“From Natchez to Mobile,

From Memphis to Saint Joe,

Wherever the four winds blow,

I’ve been to some big towns,

I’ve heard me some big talk,

But there is one thing I know…”

Here’s Rosemarie Clooney doing the song sometime back in the 1950s.

I like the arrangement, and the guys with hats and cigarettes. And it’s documentary evidence of how smokin’ hot (and talented) Rosie was back in the day.

Here’s a funny list of photos (one’s pretty bad) of poorly translated words in English. Read cautiously with caution, and beware fighting bear.

Our friend Rachel Motte has been documenting several facts about Evangelical Outpost founder Joe Carter. Others have joined in. Here are some:

• @DustinSteeve: John Calvin died just before he was to write his magnum opus: The Institutes of Joe Carter.
• @RachelMotte: If @joecarter888 were President, Israel and Palestine would be united by their efforts to get into his good graces.
• @RachelMotte: When Anselm proposed that-than-which-nothing-greater-can-be-thought, he was referring to Joe Carter.
• @RachelMotte:When Paris fled, trembling in #Iliad 2.36, he was overwhelmed by the impact of Joe Carter’s brain waves. Also his fists.
• @RachelMotte:If @joecarter888 were President, the Presidential teleprompter would read HIM
• @RachelMotte:If @joecarter888 were President, he would fix the economy. With common household items.
• @joecarter888 once caught his own stare in the mirror. Space-time has yet to recover.
• @RachelMotte:#joecarterfacts are not copies of #chucknorrisfacts. They are the Platonic Form Chuck Norris only wishes he could partake in.
• @RachelMotte:Twitter was over capacity because Joe Carter forgot to turn the internet on this morning.
• California has not fallen into the Pacific because Joe Carter knit the San Andreas Fault together with his own hair.

Thanks, Joe. Happy Birthday.

Ransom Note: Read “West Oversea” or we will break up glaciers and send polar bears to every U.S. Port!
We rnt kidding! Viking zombies will storm Boston if U dont buy West Oversea!
Buy West Oversea and other Lars Walker books or all kittys will be taken off Interweb!
You have been warned! [All of the media content in the original post has dropped from the Interwebs, making this post much less fun. Saddness.]

This is brilliant. Floyd, over at Threedonia, has turned Gen. George Patton’s famous speech to the Third Army into a PowerPoint.