My weekend was remarkable only for its nondescript character, and I had no idea what I was going to blog about today.
Then, while on the Nordic Track tonight (I have Nordic tracks all over my house, left behind by the slushy shoes of Nordic people) I came up with a silly gag that I thought would do.
I would start out in Clueless Voice™, saying how everybody’s talking about something called the Oscar awards today, but I don’t see anything about anybody named Oscar in any of the lists.
Then I’d list some awards for people actually named Oscar, like Oscar Wilde, Oscar Levant, and Oscar Mayer.
Must have been a good gag, too, because Wankette over at Threedonia beat me to it.
However, her list is far from comprehensive.
Below the fold, the true winners of some of the less-known Oscars.
Best Supporting Actor in a Beady-Eyed Eastern European Role: Oscar Homolka.
Best Role in a Children’s Production: Oscar the Grouch.
Best Performance of a Character Named Oscar in a Foreign-Language Film: Max Von Sydow as Carl Oscar in The Emigrants.
Best Iron-Rich Piscine Snack: King Oscar Sardines.
Worst Picture Named Oscar: Oscar.
I would like to thank the Academy for being a bunch of monumental idiots and making their production an easy target for cheap gags written by marginally talented bloggers like me.
heh, heh. The Nordic Track line is good.
How about:
Best fish for eating and/or ripping up the fins of your other fish: Oscar
Best African-Canadian jazzmaster whose name would make you think he was a Norwegian-American: Oscar Peterson
Michael, I don’t actually get the first reference. Please elucidate.
An Oscar is a type of rather scrappy Cichlid which is common as an aquarium fish, but best not kept in the same tank with other fish.
In spite of keeping an aquarium now, there’s still so much I don’t know…
Your story reminds me of when I was a teenager and some woman came into the bookstore where I was working and asked if we had any Reefer. So I led her over to the “R” shelf and stared at it for a minute before I said, “I don’t see any do you?” She cocked her in a lazy sort of way and said, “Reefer – y’know, marijuana?”
That’s reminiscent of story heard from a friend who said he was downtown and someone approached him to ask for papers, as in paper to roll up and smoke. He didn’t know what the man was talking about at first, and when he understood, he said, “Do I look like someone you might have papers?”