To anyone who flirts with the idea that words are meaningless, I ask you about the difference between the words rape and affair.

Did you see the article in Christianity Today’s Leadership Journal several days ago from a convicted rapist who described his crime as a warning to others? He was a youth pastor at the time, and his victim was a minor. This detail wasn’t revealed until the end of a long piece on how hard his temptations were and how badly he feels now. He gave little, if any, time to the pain his victim feels or her family and friends. More than this, he cast his sin in terms of adultery.

“The anonymous article was saturated with a self-pitying tone, some horrifying reframing of his sin (statutory rape is not an ‘affair’), and a stunning lack of concern for the young woman upon whom he preyed,” Michelle Van Loon explains in an article about how sexual abuse is common in places it should be rare.

The editors of Leadership Journal noted at one point: “Some of the language in the article did appear to portray the ‘relationship’ he had with his student as consensual. We regret any implication of that kind and strongly underscore that an adult cannot have a consensual sexual relationship with a minor. This was not an ‘affair.’ It was statutory rape.” They have removed the article completely now and apologized for posting it.

I can’t find the full article now, but it’s probably somewhere. Author Mary DeMuth gives you all the information and response to it you need.

If the convict had taken the full blame for his crime, the article would have been better. If the convict had considered his victims instead of himself, it would have been better. But importantly, if he or his editors had pushed themselves to call things by their proper names, the reaction would not have been as harsh as it was.

In their apology, the editors state, “The post, intended to dissuade future perpetrators, dwelt at length on the losses this criminal sin caused the author, while displaying little or no empathic engagement with the far greater losses caused to the victim of the crime and the wider community around the author. The post adopted a tone that was not appropriate given its failure to document complete repentance and restoration.”

Perhaps if the man had cast his words in terms of how he excused himself at the time, he could have kept half of what he’d written, but on his suffering of consequences, he has no room to complain. No one wants to listen any more.