Talk Ye Like a Pirate, Me Hearties!

“If it comes to a swinging, swing all, say I.”

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day, and my little family plans to catch a dozen free doughnuts at Krispy Kreme. If you talk like Long John Silver, they’ll give you a doughnut. If you dress like Blackbeard, you’ll get a dozen. That’s our mark, matey. Other establishments may have deals in your area, but Talk Like a Pirate Day is really about the office watercooler.

“Dead men don’t bite,” you might say to your shipmate who won’t throw you overboard. “Heaven, you fool? Did you ever year of any pirates going thither? Give me hell, it’s a merrier place: I’ll give Roberts a salute of 13 guns at entrance.” This is an especially good line for those who have a Roberts on board.

If you’re looking for inspiration like some of what I’ve quoted here, search for quotes from Treasure Island and records of historic quotations.

“In an honest service there is thin commons, low wages, and hard labor; in this, plenty and satiety, pleasure and ease, liberty and power; and who would not balance creditor on this side, when all the hazard that is run for it, at worst, is only a sour look or two at choking. No, a merry life and a short one, shall be my motto.” Thus spake Bartholomew “Black Bart” Roberts, according to the scribe, and who can argue with him?

What’s more? Here be a boon of quotes for ye, nancy-pants!

Update: In the spirit of authenticity, here’s a page with history of some piratey words.

It’s Not About Winning, But Win Anyway.

Jeffrey Overstreet talks about sports-and-faith movies in relation to the recent film When the Game Stands Tall. He says movies of this type usually reinforce bad ideas and behaviors.

“It’s a simple formula,” he says. “Show that winning and losing is fraught with trouble if the game is played for the wrong reasons (for glory, for money, for self-gratification). Then show the athletes learning some Sunday school lessons about humility and teamwork. And once they’ve learned those lessons, then give the audience the satisfaction of seeing those who are In The Right achieve personal victories (reconciling the family, winning the virtuous but skeptical girl, overcoming the bullies)… and, usually, scoreboard victories as well.”

The story easily preaches that good guys or the faithful will win, and God will win it for you, supporting the common belief that a good life with earn good rewards. There’s truth there, but when life gets hard or unjust, then we will crumble if our faith is in this formula, not the living God. I think the church in America needs the backbone that would come from knowing God is faithful even when we don’t win.

Jeff offers a good list of ideas he would like to see challenged in a movie about sports:

  • “how the commercialization of sports ends up encouraging lifestyles that are the antithesis of teamwork, health, and wholeness;
  • how money corrupts the whole enterprise, from outrageous salaries to the excesses of the circuses that tend to surround professional sports events;
  • how sports culture glorifies youth, and finds little of value in the experience of aging, so that athletes vanish from the national stage once they are too old to dominate the stage (unless they have enough charisma to become part of the youth-worshipping media machine);
  • how “fan spirit” usually devolves into tribalism.”

That’s only half of his list. Have you seen this movie? What did you think of it? If you like, share your thoughts on other sports-themed movies.

Many New Bestseller Lists

For years, the New York Times has curated the most coveted bestseller lists of our day. Now they are building on that strength by adding such topics as Travel, Humor, Family, Relationships, Animals, Politics, Manga, and many more, each list bound to occupy literary banterers and book ballyhoo-ers for an hour or so. These won’t be published every week. Some will rotate through the month.

Melville House has dug up even more lists to be introduced by everyone’s friends at the New York Times Book Review. Here are some of the lists you will want to keep on eye on.

Most Fully Realized: Every week, The New York Times Book Review describes dozens of books as being “fully realized.” This lists ranks the top ten fully realized books from “Most Fully Realized” to “Least Most Fully Realized.”

Bestselling Young Adult (Cancer): The most successful books for teenagers that include cancer as a major or minor subplot.

James Patterson: The 10 bestselling James Patterson books released this month. (BTW, Patterson has outsold every other living author and holds a Guinness record for most books on the NY Times Bestseller List.)

Bestselling Non-Sellers: Amazon gives lots of books away for free. The “Best Non-Sellers List” will rank the top books downloaded by Amazon users for $0.00.

Literature: No genre fiction. Unless, of course, genre is employed ironically.

A Wee Bit More from Caledonia

“There must thou wake perforce thy Doric quill,

‘Tis Fancy’s land to which thou sett’st thy feet;

Where still, ’tis said, the fairy people meet

Beneath each birken shade, on mead or hill.

There each trim lass that skims the milky store

To the swart tribes their creamy bowl allots;

By night they sip it round the cottage-door,

While airy minstrels warble jocund notes.”

From Wiliam Collins, “An Ode on the Popular Superstitions of the Highlands of Scotland, Considered as the Subject of Poetry”

100 Best Scottish Novels

The Herald of Scotland is culling a list of the 100 best Scottish novels from their readers. They have 30 so far, including The Death of Men by Allan Massie, The House with the Green Shutters by George Douglas Brown, and The Heart of Midlothian by Sir Walter Scott.

Readers might take this recent list of crime fiction into consideration. They say Scotland can have an sobering, perhaps despairing, effect on people. Writer Helen Fitzgerald appears to disagree.

“My mum said 20 years living in the grey, murder capital of Western Europe, has made me write about darkness, despair, and deviance. She suggested I come home to Australia to write something with hope and joy in it. Taking her advice, I headed downunder in December, sat at an outside table in a cheerful, sunny beach-side cafe, and started writing. The story I started writing is about a dysfunctional Australian couple who accidentally overdose, kill and bury their baby whilst a raging bushfire burns folk to a crisp in the distance. Sorry Mum, it’s not Glasgow. It’s me.”

What Privileges Come From Being White?

Sit-in at Woolworth's lunch counter: Tallahassee, FloridaPeople have begun to publically worry that the world is forgetting what happened in Ferguson, Missouri over a month ago. I haven’t forgotten. I was praying for the families there this morning.

I could say many things about the Michael Brown shooting, how the police have handled it, how the community has handled it, the demonstrations, and the militarization of civil police forces. My perspective on these things has been stretched, and I don’t want ignore it. So let’s talk about “white privilege.”

You can see it in videos like this, showing a social experiment. A white guy tries to break into a car for thirty minutes, alarm blaring, without being questioned or stopped. A black guy does the same for less than five minutes before police show up. You have to assume witnesses believed the white guy had lost his keys (or something legit), but the black guy was obviously committing a crime. (Here’s a man’s reaction to the video, blaming blacks for legitimizing the stereotype they dislike.) I’m told the same kind of experiment has been tried with two men and a woman, each pushing a car up a street. Witnesses ignore the white man, question (or call police on) the black man, and offer to help the white woman.

In these cases, white privilege—no matter what the term may imply when pundits and professors use it—means being able to get on with your life without harassment, even when your car has broken down. Dr. Jarvis Williams describes other ways the term applies: getting a job or promotion, hailing a cab, or walking around a department store on your own merits, not being judged by the color of your skin. As a white man, I have never thought I could look suspicious while browsing a store, but that has been the experience of many respectable people who are judged regularly by their skin color. The absence of that public suspicion is what “white privilege” means.

Continue reading What Privileges Come From Being White?

Authors Donating to Iraqi Christians

A Facebook community of authors are donating September’s royalties to Iraqi Christians through Voice of the Martyrs. They call themselves Authors in Solidarity. We’ve reviewed a few of books featured in this community. Lars is donating his royalties from Hailstone Mountain (The Erling Skjalgsson Saga Book 4). There’s New Found Dream: Book Two of “A Healer’s Tale”, The Legend of Sheba: Rise of a Queen, Bid the Gods Arise (The Wells of the Worlds) (Volume 1), and many more. Let us know if you join this effort to help Christians in Iraq.

Following Your Heart Will Lead to Death

Dante shows us that you can just as easily go to Hell by loving good things in the wrong way as you can by loving the wrong things,” Rod Dreher explains. He has been reading The Divine Comedy for the first time and is working on a book about it.

All the damned dwell in eternal punishment because they let their passions overrule their reason and were unrepentant. For Dante, all sin results from disordered desire: either loving the wrong things or loving the right things in the wrong way.

This is countercultural, for we live in an individualistic, libertine, sensual culture in which satisfying desire is generally thought to be a primary good. For contemporary readers, especially young adults, Dante’s encounter with Francesca da Rimini, one of the first personages he meets in Hell, is deeply confounding. Francesca is doomed to spend eternity in the circle of the Lustful, inextricably bound in a tempest with her lover, Paolo, whose brother—Francesca’s husband—found them out and murdered them both.

She says romantic poetry taught her of Love’s power and held her entralled to her heart’s passion. “Can love be selective?” she might ask. Can anyone control their passions?

“We know, however, that it is really lust,” Dreher says, “and that her grandiose language in praise of romantic passion is all a gaudy rationalization.” Dante is overcome at the end of his encounter with Francesca, but not perhaps by her fate at a seemingly small thing. He may be overcome by the idea that his own poetry encouraged her to follow her heart into death.

Shut Out Chatterbox

Aaron Armstrong reviews Stephen Furtick’s Crash the Chatterbox: Hearing God’s Voice Above All Others, saying it has plenty of good advice but fails to connect it to the gospel. “Instead, we get this advice: ‘The gospel says that those who do not forget the past are condemned to repeat it,'” Armstrong reports.