Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal

That is, another animal that has been hit by Jared Wilson. Didn’t know that, did you? Well, there are other amazing facts I’ll bet you didn’t know, generated by The Mechanical Contrivium. The inimitable Mr. Wilson points out this spectacular device, and since I want to be like him when I grow up, I plugged in my vital data and discovered these amazing things!

1. Phil Wade was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom his name comes.

2. You share your birthday with Phil Wade!

3. The only Englishman to become Phil Wade was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Phil Wade from 1154 to 1159.

4. Phil Wadeomancy is the art of telling the future with Phil Wade.

5. Four-fifths of the surface of Phil Wade is covered in water.

6. Antarctica is the only continent without Phil Wade.

7. 99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as Phil Wade.

8. Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of Phil Wade.

9. Phil Wade is actually a mammal, not a fish!

10. Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by Phil Wade.

I’ve often thought there were many bees in my yard.

Pointless movie bleg

Tonight, for no useful purpose whatever, I’m going to tell you about a movie I saw almost half a century ago—once. It’s lingered in my mind ever since, and I have no idea what it was called or who acted in it. Maybe you can help.

I must have seen it before 1960, when I was ten years old, because I’m sure I saw it at my grandparents’ old (big) house, rather than their later (smaller) house. I had the idea at the time that it was quite an old film, perhaps an early “talky,” but I could be mistaken. It was a long time ago, and I’m keenly aware how faulty my memories can be. The summary of the plot I’m about to give you is probably wrong in several places. But this is how I remember it.

The movie opens a few years before the Civil War, somewhere in the American Midwest. Very likely Illinois, for reasons that come up later. The hero of the story is first seen as a boy, living on a farm with his loving mother and his legalistic, sadistic preacher father (a character Hollywood would find it convenient to clone and recycle countless times in the years to come). The boy dreams of becoming a doctor, and gets his hands on a collection of medical journals. He keeps them hidden from his father, though, because his father considers them things of the devil. (I’m not sure why. I don’t know of any Christian church that considered medicine evil in those days. Perhaps the old man just disapproved of all printed matter that wasn’t the Bible.)

The father discovers the journals (in the barn, I think), and gives the boy a vicious whipping (in the barn, I’m certain). The violence of the whipping so panics the family’s horse (a white one to which the boy is deeply attached) that it injures itself in its stall. Because of this it gets a noticeable scar on its flank.

Eventually the boy runs away from home (with or without the horse, I’m not sure, though boy and horse part company at some point) and goes to medical school. When the Civil War begins, he becomes a surgeon in the Union Army.

After a particular battle, a general is brought in to the hospital with a horribly injured arm. Informed that the arm will have to be amputated, he begs them to try to save it. He promises a great reward to any doctor who can save his arm.

Our hero notices the general’s white horse, and sees the old familiar scar. It’s his old family horse. So he goes to the general and asks if he can have the horse if he saves the arm. The general agrees, so he goes to work with all his skill, and somehow works a miracle. The arm is saved and he gets the horse.

Later he (along with the horse, I have no doubt) performs an act of conspicuous gallantry, and he wins the Congressional Medal of Honor. He’s sent to Washington, DC to be decorated by President Lincoln, and the president makes time (because the young man is from Illinois, if I remember correctly) to talk with him a while. When Lincoln learns that the young man has not been home since he ran away, he chastises him for neglecting his mother. In his capacity as Commander in Chief, he gives the young man leave and orders him to go home.

After that I can’t remember anything.

Anybody know this movie?

Update: OK, a little more Yahooing turned the film up. It’s called “Of Human Hearts,” and was made in 1938. It starred Walter Huston as the preacher father, and James Stewart as the son, once he’d grown up. Beulah Bondi played Stewart’s mother, the first of several times she did that.

From the synopsis, the film appears to have been a little more sympathetic to the father’s situation than my memory recalls, but all in all my reminiscences don’t seem to be too far off track.

You can stop hunting now.

Update to Update: Thanks to reader Paul Stieg, who e-mailed me with the correct answer at about precisely the time I found it myself. He says that, alas, it’s not yet available on DVD.

Pornography Assigned in High School

Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes has been assigned to highschoolers in Deerfield, Illinois. I hear the play and movie based on the book have won big awards, is the book itself unsuitable for teenagers? Lynn Vincent gives a brief description of the book and asks, “Gay activists are constantly arguing that the gay lifestyle isn’t just about sex. Why then assign Angels in America and reinforce the opposite opinion?”

The Phantom of the Time Capsule

I like this column by Steven M. Barr, over at First Things. First of all, it explodes one of those beloved bits of modern folklore, the one about Einstein being a bad student as a kid. Exploding error is always a good thing, however much comfort I may have derived from this particular legend as a boy. Then Barr goes on to discuss the deathless question of how much we can trust experts:

My own guiding principle is to trust the experts (generally speaking) on anything purely technical, but to rely more on my own judgment as far as human realities go. I trust the architect on what will keep the building up but not on what is beautiful. I trust the pediatrician, but not the child psychologist.

That’s about how I’d put it, only I’d be talking with less… whatchacallit. Expertise.

Turning to matters related to Phil’s post below on proofreading and fact-checking, I was reading this month’s Smithsonian Magazine today, and was surprised to see how long their list of corrections from last month was. Fact after fact had been wrong. I found a mistake in this month’s issue myself (only I can’t find it again now).

Nevertheless, I was much intrigued by this article by Michael Walsh. He was working on a couple of writing projects about Andrew Lloyd Webber, he tells us, back in 1987. Webber, of course, wrote the music for the big musical version of The Phantom of the Opera. In the course of that project, Walsh read the original novel by Gaston Leroux. This novel contains the line, “It will be remembered that, later, when digging in the substructure of the Opéra, before burying the phonographic records of the artist’s voice, the workmen laid bare a corpse.”

Readers for generations had read that sentence without bothering to ask, “Who buried phonograph records in the opera house, and why?”

Well, Walsh discovered the answer when he searched the theater (for other purposes) and accidentally came across a small door with a plaque that read, “The room in which are contained the gramophone records.”

Turns out that a number of very early recordings of the world’s greatest opera singers of the day had been placed in sealed containers and entombed in that room as a time capsule. They were buried in 1907, and were supposed to be opened in 2007.

The theater management had forgotten all about the time capsule by the time Walsh rediscovered it, but they decided to honor the original intention, and leave them alone for another two decades. However, the room was rediscovered by air conditioning workers a couple years later, and then it was opened. Since one container was visibly damaged, they were all removed, but not opened. Walsh says one of them is going to be opened this month (the delay, apparently, springs from difficulties in handling the old discs without damaging them). The recordings will eventually be digitally copied and sold to the public.

Anyway, it all goes to show what every novelist knows—readers don’t pay attention!

Update: I remember the Smithsonian mistake now. In their article on composer/arranger Quincy Jones, they said he’s a descendent of George Washington. There are no descendents of George Washington.

Fact Checking Is Not Too Hard

A journalist advises publishers that checking up on all those memoirs isn’t impossible and appears to be advisable. “Standard industry rationalizations for not checking anything are: It would be too expensive and, besides, we have to trust our authors.” Trust. Sure.

In related news, Author admits gang-life ‘memoir’ was all fiction. My gosh, who knew?

A primary offense

I worry about national morning talk show host Laura Ingraham.

I listen to her show every day, and I have a lot of fondness for her. I think I was half in love with her a couple years back, when her show was more fun. Also she recently hired Bryan Preston, the founder of Junk Yard Blog, who was probably the highest profile advocate for my writing career, back when I had a writing career.

But Laura’s gotten shrill, it seems to me, since her major health crisis a couple years back.

This morning, she was taking calls from Republicans in Texas who’d crossed party lines to vote for Hillary, just as spoilers for Obama. She was cheering them on, reveling in their stories.

I don’t like this. It seems to me that if you love this country you’ve got to hold the electoral process in a kind of reverence. The fact that there are cynical people out there who game the system doesn’t justify us, the people who say we believe in moral absolutes, in pretending to belong to a different party so we can sabotage its nomination process. If they did it to us, I’d be angry about it.

Maybe I’m just judgmental.



Think Daylight Saving Time conserves energy?
Maybe not.

Husband of the Future

A relatively new company, Buy n Large, has announced a developing line of robotic partners, called Roboti-Mates. They demonstrated the “Hubby” model in New York with a woman who had lived with the robot for six months. He acts like a normal husband, she says.

Sometimes he cries at inappropriate times and bangs his head on the wall screaming, ‘Please kill me!’ But I just quickly reboot him before the kids get upset.

I don’t think this will catch on, but I’ve been wrong before. (via Arts and Faith)

Quirky Charms

“Quirky charms” is one way to describe books with weird titles, like “Are Women Human? And Other International Dialogues” and “Cheese Problems Solved.” Of course, weird is in the ear of the reader. I mean if you want a straight-talking book on women’s relationships with men, would you pick up something called “Straight Talk for Women on Men” over a bold book like “If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs?” No contest, don’t you think? The follow up to the second book is “How to Duck a Suckah: A Guide to Living a Drama-Free Life,” both written by a bodyguard and former pimp.

I’m going to think about something else now.

‘Passover by Design’ sells 20k on First Day

Author and cook Susie Fishbein seems to be building a devoted following. Her fifth cookbook, Passover by Design, sold 20,000 copies on the day of its release. Her Kosher by Design series has sold 250k over the years, and Fishbein has been making the rounds on talk and cooking shows. In Passover by Design, she helps the kosher cook by offering recipes without leavening so no additional substitutions would have to be made.