And now for something completely different:
Category Archives: Goofing
Slumgullion Friday
In the spirit of Dr. Boli’s Celebrated Magazine, I offer the following excerpt from the nonexistent book, Lars Walker’s Fulsome Compendium of Rightfully Forgotten Church History:
The Vigilant Baptist Movement (June 1852): On June 3, 1852, independent Baptist preacher Titus A. Drumhead founded the Vigilant Baptist Fellowship. The Vigilant Baptists took their marching orders from Luke 21:36: “Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.” Operating on the hermeneutical principle that nothing whatever in Scripture is ever to be taken symbolically, Rev. Drumhead declared that he had given up sleeping forever, trusting that God was able to sustain him in wakefulness so long as he lived. He exhorted his congregation (which consisted of six people) to follow his godly example. On June 5 of that same year, the Vigilant Baptists nearly entered into a merger with the Independent Church of Spiritual Water, a group which took its inspiration from John 4:14: “But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst….” and so abstained from all liquids entirely. The merger was never consummated due to Rev. Drumhead’s unexpected unconsciousness. Awakening twelve hours later and concluding that he was not among the Elect, Rev. Drumhead became a Methodist. The fate of his movement, however, was happier than that of the I.C.S.W.
Our friend Loren Eaton gave me a plug over at his blog, I Saw Lightning Fall, yesterday. Thanks, Loren.
Finally, another great article about an American cartoonist from Stefan Kanfer at City Journal. This time he writes of Winsor McCay, the first great (and insufficiently remembered) newspaper cartoonist and pioneer animator. When I was a kid, my grandparents had a book of Little Nemo in Slumberland in their house. I glanced at it, but didn’t care for the look of it. Little Nemo, in particular, looked like a sissy to me.
And indeed, McCay’s work isn’t really for children. As an adult I’ve had the chance to look at a little of the man’s work, and it’s… gobsmacking. Great vistas of incredible, hallucinatory images splashed all across the newspaper page in full color. The man’s draftsmanship, modeling, and use of perspective have never been surpassed. In fact, I don’t think anyone else ever tried to do what he did.
There’s Nothing Worse
This is for our friend, Hunter Baker of Union U.
- There’s nothing worse than having a billboard block your view of a gorgeous sunrise. That’s why I use The Awayinator, an environmentally safe dashboard ray gun that will zap those billboards into the nothingnessville. Ahh! A clear view with the touch of a button. (A Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. Invention)
- There’s nothing worse than unrequited love. That’s why I use Money, a technique scientifically proven to keep women from falling out of love with you. Try it yourself today. Where all quality products are sold. Seriously, everywhere.
- There’s nothing worse than getting your key stuck in the ignition when the zombies are storming your parking lot, except perhaps eating a stale Rice Krispy treat when you sit there thinking what a dummy you are for paying $3 for what looks like a big, marshmallowy treat that can’t be stale because it’s $3 for Pete’s sake and yet in the back of your mind a little voice says it’s going to be stale and you argue with that little voice, spend the money, and take a bite–man, I hate that.
Tell Me the Story Upfront
This is common, perhaps, and fun. Readers have retitled works to better describe them, such as George Eliot’s “Why Be Nice To Your Siblings When You’re Just Going to Die in a Flood” (The Mill on the Floss) and George Orwell’s “If You Give a Pig a Windmill, He’ll Pursue Absolute Power.” This one from David Foster Wallace looks like a great title to me.
How to Survive a Robot Uprising
Star Wars Summaries in Lego
Star Wars may not be the greatest sci-fi story ever told, but it is a very loud voice in the room. And Legos may not be the best toy ever made–that’s just silly. They are the best toy ever made. And now we have,
“The Fastest and Funniest LEGO Star Wars Story Ever Told”
Today is Star Wars day. May the Fourth be with you.
The Young Adult Novel Economic Plan
I cannot endorse this brand, but this video of the president proposing to save our economy by helping everyone write a YA novel is pretty funny.
Inspiration
And now, a moment of inspiration.
Father Ailill on St. Patrick’s Day
Despite being always full of great good wishes for all the Irish on the feast day of their patron saint, I have too much integrity to stoop to the low trick of pretending to be Irish, when I’m obviously not.
So to keep the discussion at the high level of authenticity it deserves, I have instead asked for a guest column from a true Irishman beyond suspicion, Father Ailill, Erling Skjalgsson’s priest:
To all the elect within the range of this message, whether Irish or Norse, or even Scot or English, yea even unto the barbarians of distant lands, wherever you may be, scattered about the islands of the earth,
Greetings.
I, Father Ailill, have not been unaware of doings among men since my Elevation nearly a thousand years ago. I have paid some attention to the course of the world, and to the state of the Church, and I have but one word for all of you, small and great, learned and uncouth:
Stop it.
I mean it. This has gone beyond a joke.
Where does one start? The excesses of your generation would make scrap enough to fuel a thousand bonfires, but in view of the day I’ll just draw your attention to the way you mark—I’ll not say observe—the saint day of Patrick of Ireland.
Now I happen to know Patrick myself. He lived far before my corporeal time, of course, but since my Elevation we’ve become fairly chummy, and I’ll tell you, just between you and me and the hearthstone, it’s best not to raise the subject of St. Patrick’s Day in his presence. If it’s all a joke, you may as well know the guest of honor doesn’t get it. He said to me once, “If I’d known they’d honor my memory by getting drunk on green beer and puking all over policemen, I’d have gone to Frankia and become a hermit. I’m not kidding. St. Augustine never lets me forget about it. And I’ve taken to avoiding Boniface altogether, because he never sees me but he starts singing that ‘Frosted Lucky Charms’ jingle, and then gets to giggling.” Continue reading Father Ailill on St. Patrick’s Day
When the Question is “natas”, the Answer Is What?
I have thought of myself as a citizen of the Internet, but yesterday I took a step deeper into the swamp of Netdom. I made a video response to a You Tube video. I’ve been watching the online morning show, Good Mythical Morning, by the singing comedians Rhett and Link. Last Friday, they asked what the best board game ever is according to their fans, and I recorded for them my story of playing a few minutes of Backwords with a some friends in college. Backwords is not the best board game ever by far, but I thought my story would add to the conversation.
See my response here, and if you want to watch the original video, go here.