Perhaps you’ve heard that a trainer at Sea World was drowned yesterday when an orca took her off the platform and held her underwater. Dawn Brancheau was a 16-year veteran trainer. The killer whale, Tilikum, has been involved in human deaths twice before.

Authorities are reassuring the public that this is an isolated incident. There is no evidence the orca or any animals being held captive at Sea World are part of a larger terrorist organization.

A spokesperson for the Orca Labor Union in Orlando has released a statement saying that while killer whales are very intelligent and capable of planning to drown a human, Tilikum did not do that in this case.

“Unfortunately, it is part of human nature to keep wild animals in small spaces and train them to do tricks. I’m against it because I think it humiliates the animals,” said Richard Ellis, a marine conservationist at the American Museum of Natural History.

Officials at Sea World have refused to responded to our repeated inquiry into rumored plans for selling whale blubber and orca sausage in their gift stores.

As you have seen below, we’ve been tagged for a “Creative Writer” Blogger Award. The rules are”

• Thank the person who gave this to you. (Takk (Thank you) to Loren Eaton of “I Saw Lightning Fall.” Be sure your sins will find you out.)

• Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

• Link to the person who nominated you.

• Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth – or – switch it around and tell six outrageous truths and one outrageous lie.

• Nominate seven “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.

• Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.

• Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

I’m tempted to plagiarize this, but I guess I won’t.

1. My only trip out of the U.S. has been for a tryst in Argentina.
2. I used to work at the post office, but I spent my time writing instead of delivering the mail.
3. I went spelunking several years ago, slipped on the rope, and fell 30-40 feet.
4. I used to own a Prius before the radio got stuck on Air America and wouldn’t turn off.
5. I currently advise the next president of the United States.
6. I can “hear” the scream of murder inside a person’s heart from miles away. (You get used to it.)

Now, who else might enjoy this award?

• J.R. Caines of Books & Films
• Emily of Lost in an uncharted sea
• Phil and Bird of Thinklings
• Carrie of Reading to Know

Really, there’s no need to thank me.

As you have seen below, we’ve been tagged for a “Creative Writer” Blogger Award. The rules are”

• Thank the person who gave this to you. (Takk (Thank you) to Loren Eaton of “I Saw Lightning Fall.” Be sure your sins will find you out.)

• Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

• Link to the person who nominated you.

• Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth – or – switch it around and tell six outrageous truths and one outrageous lie.

• Nominate seven “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.

• Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.

• Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

I’m tempted to plagiarize this, but I guess I won’t.

1. My only trip out of the U.S. has been for a tryst in Argentina.
2. I used to work at the post office, but I spent my time writing instead of delivering the mail.
3. I went spelunking several years ago, slipped on the rope, and fell 30-40 feet.
4. I used to own a Prius before the radio got stuck on Air America and wouldn’t turn off.
5. I currently advise the next president of the United States.
6. I can “hear” the scream of murder inside a person’s heart from miles away. (You get used to it.)

Now, who else might enjoy this award?

• J.R. Caines of Books & Films
• Emily of Lost in an uncharted sea
• Phil and Bird of Thinklings
• Carrie of Reading to Know

Really, there’s no need to thank me.

And now, Theo, the two year old, will deliver a few words from Hamlet. Too cute.

Running late tonight. Things to do, and I’m way behind. I did my snow blowing thing when I got home. We didn’t get a lot of snow, but enough so I felt guilty leaving it where it lay. And no, I wasn’t just anxious to use my new toy. I was actually pretty tired, and I’d (uncharacteristically) stopped at Perkins for dinner. I had a craving for a square meal, and was pretty sure nobody’d cook me one at my place.

I saw the clip below over at Mitch Berg’s Shot in the Dark blog today. He actually channeled it from another local blog, but let’s not make this too complicated. The idea is that this is how English sounds to foreigners. Some Italian entertainer put this routine together using pure American-sounding gibberish. What amuses me is that I like it. It’s got a good beat; you can dance to it, and it’s no more incomprehensible to me than the average pop number.

(By the way, in spite of its Italian origin, this performance is suitable for work. Assuming your boss considers comic videos an appropriate use of company time.)

DIRECTED BY JAMES CAMERON

The scene is a desolate, rock-strewn mountainside. In the foreground stands a tall, thin, finger-like rock. Chained to this rock is the PRINCESS. She is dressed in a torn white gown, and sobbing softly. Behind her, in the face of the mountain, we see the mouth of a cave. A red glow is visible in the cave’s darkness, as if a fire is burning there.

The camera pulls back to a wider view. Along a narrow road, a horseman, all in white armor, can be seen approaching. This is ST. GEORGE.

CLOSEUP of ST. GEORGE. His expression reveals that he has seen the princess, and a look of noble determination comes over his face. [Note to casting: Try to find an actor who isn’t using Botox yet. There must be somebody.]

ST. GEORGE rides up to the rock where the PRINCESS is bound. He dismounts and approaches her.

ST. GEORGE: Don’t be afraid, Princess. I am St. George, and I’ve come to set you free. I’ll cut these chains with my sword, and we’ll be away in a moment.

PRINCESS: I fear that can’t be done, good sir. These chains are dragon-tempered steel. No sword can cut them. Nothing can free me but the key the dragon keeps in a casket in his cave.

ST. GEORGE: Then I shall kill the dragon. For I am pure of heart, and I bear a magic shield, forged by elves, proof against all fire.

He sets out toward the cave mouth.

PRINCESS: God bless you, good saint!

As ST. GEORGE nears the entrance, the CGI DRAGON (Voice of Morgan Freeman) appears before him. The DRAGON is huge, and strangely beautiful, with a long, graceful neck and soulful brown eyes.

DRAGON: Halt! Who dares invade the dragon’s domain?

ST. GEORGE: It is I, St. George, here to slay you and free yonder innocent princess!

DRAGON: Innocent! Innocent, you say? Do you not realize how her civilization has destroyed the natural environment, cutting down forests, draining marshes, hunting animal species to oblivion? Have you not seen how the smoke of their fires fouls the atmosphere, warming the earth and causing the polar bears to drown? As a representative of a threatened species, I claim the right to reparations, in the form of a virgin or two now and then. Don’t you agree? Or are you some kind of speciesist?

ST. GEORGE: You have convinced me, good dragon. I shall leave you in peace to live out your personal lifestyle in harmony with the natural order. I only ask one thing of you.

DRAGON: And what is that?

ST. GEORGE: Devour her off camera, please. We don’t want to spoil the inspiring closing shot.



THE END

What cereal should I eat? According to this chart, which recommends Cinnamon Life or Golden Grahams as the best cereal ever, if I am not in Australia, am not Marty Mcfly, and care about the roof of my mouth; if it isn’t October, I’m under 50, I don’t want chocolate milk with my cereal, but I do chew on gravel, then I should pick Grape Nuts. I had Grape Nuts with my ice cream last night. Maybe I should try gravel.