And don’t let people stop stopping you from not following your dreams. No, really. Those people, they don’t know, but you are awesome. Keep on dreaming on those dreams.

Over 1,000 people are reported to have contracted the new swine flu in Mexico, and it’s been spotted in California and Texas. Here’s a report from FOXNews.

The U.S. government said it was closely following the new cases. “The White House is taking the situation seriously and monitoring for any new developments. The president has been fully briefed,” an administration official said.

White House sources report that, if the flu becomes a serious menace to the U.S., President Obama (peace be upon him) is prepared to fly immediately to meet with it, shake its hand and apologize for America’s record of antivirus imperialism.

I’m bubbling with ideas today. It’s kind of scary.

I’ve figured out why service is always lousy in this country.

When the economy is good, you can’t get good service because the best people are all working in higher-paying jobs.

When the economy is bad, you can’t get service because the employer has cut to back staff.

“Why,” you may ask, “has Pres. Obama (peace be upon him) opened the door to the prosecution of former Bush administration legal advisors, those who gave opinions that techniques like waterboarding could be legally employed on captured terrorists? Isn’t that ex post facto law? Won’t it have a chilling effect on speech, warning people that they can be called into court merely for expressing an opinion? And won’t it be dangerous for our national security?”

Ah, but you miss the genius of the strategy. I’ve got it figured out, I think.

For conservatives, the ideal condition for our country is to be free, strong and respected in the world.

But for liberals, the ideal condition is to be a victim. Liberals love victims. Victims get all the love and sympathy, as well as lots of presents.

For liberals, the greatest moment in recent history was in the immediate aftermath of 9/11/01, when the president of France said, “Today, we are all Americans.”

Liberals desperately want to recapture that glorious moment.

And of course the simplest way to accomplish that is to be attacked again. For liberals, it’s a tragedy that our interrogators learned about plans for another terrorist bombing in Los Angeles through using “enhanced interrogation techniques” on Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

For the Left–the hard Left, anyway–that’s an opportunity lost. If we could have just had another smoking tower and thousands dead in Los Angeles, the world would have loved us again!

A few thousand dead is a small price to pay for satisfaction like that. The hard Left figures we have way too many people around anyway.

Dateline Hollywood: Controversial filmmaker Oliver Stone announced today his plans to direct a remake of the classic film musical, “Singin’ in the Rain.”

“Whenever there are tough economic times,” said Stone, “Americans long for uplifting, positive entertainment. I think the time is right for a re-examination of the story of early Hollywood, as imagined in this classic film.

“Of course we’ll approach the project with a modern sensibility. We won’t turn a blind eye to the systematic racism, sexism, homophobia and xenophobia that have made America a hell on earth from the very beginning. But we’ll do it in a laughing, lighthearted way.”

Early buzz reports that George Clooney is considering the Gene Kelly role, while Madonna has agreed to take over for Debbie Reynolds, and Sean Penn will fill the dancing shoes of Donald O’Connor.



(Note: all of the above is a gag.)