Here’s a quick religious joke. This reminds me of some fishing advice. Never invite only one Baptist to fish with you, because he’ll drink all of your beer. Course, if you give him lutheran beer to drink, maybe his doctrine will improve.
Category Archives: Goofing
What the market will bear
Just to cheer you up amidst everything you’re hearing about financial collapse and hard times a-comin’, here’s my favorite Great Depression joke:
A guy is standing on a street corner, selling apples. The sign on his cart says, “Apples— $5,000 apiece.”
A passerby stops and looks at the sign. “That seems like a lot of money to ask for an apple,” he says.
“Yeah, it is,” says the vendor. “But all I have to do is sell one.”
For some reason I always think of novel writing when I tell that joke. Because we deal in a commodity that’s worth zero, until we find somebody willing to pay for it. Then suddenly we have a valuable asset.
Maher’s Favorite Books
Bill Maher has leaked his list of favorite books to The Week. On the list is Moby Dick, a book Maher has not read. In the vein of Banned Books Week, I think you’ll agree with me that this is a scandalous violation of Maher’s privacy, even if he did give them the list himself. I’m shocked. I mean, distributing photos of celebrity nursing (that’s baby feeding) by a well-meaning Wal-Mart employee is one thing. This book list is quite another.
Life is Short, so Help Me Out
Help me out here. There’s an old Lutheran proverb that says, “Life’s too short to have fun” or something like that. Do you remember it or one along the line of life being too short to somethingorother?
All I can think of is . . .
Life’s too short to drink the house wine.
Life’s too short to eat cheap chocolate.
Life’s too short to play the back nine. (That doesn’t make sense, and I’m not a golfer.)
Life’s too short to vote for Democrats.
Life’s too short to keep the yard mowed. (I wish that were true.)
Life’s too short to spend it thinking only about myself.
Life’s too short to avoid the next Andy Griffith marathon.
Life’s too short to avoid prayer.
What do you think? What is life too short for?
We zinc to rise again
I may owe an apology to zinc tablets.
My cold seems considerably better today, which seems like pretty fast work.
Of course, it might be lurking under the surface, masking its symptoms, growing in power and cunning, poised to hit me hard when I’m in Minot for Høstfest next week.
That was why I didn’t give blood today. They had a drive at work, and I was all set to donate my first pint since I showed up anemic last winter. (The doctor says I’m all better now, and doesn’t appear particularly curious about the cause. Seems to regard the whole business as just a human blip, the sort of thing you’d expect a rickety old man’s body to do now and then, for no apparent reason.) But the Red Cross people told me they prefer folks with colds to keep their infections to themselves.
So, I suppose, some stranger will die for lack of A Positive now.
But at least they’ll die without the sniffles.
On the other hand, I would have provided a nice infusion of zinc to balance it out.
Coke Blech
I haven’t tried Coke Blak, so I can’t opine on its flavor. I don’t need to say that I don’t think it is a good idea–first blush–because I haven’t given it a chance to impress me. But this video of Anderson Cooper trying Coke Blak on live TV is worth the click. The clip is too long for my taste, but its fun.
You’ve been fair warned, you scurvy dogs!
Avast there! It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day!
As you were.
Oh bother
I made the mistake of watching a few seconds of this video post over at The Thinklings.
Now I have to go gouge my eyes out.
Minorities, gays hit hardest
I don’t usually write about science, because I’m an Intelligent Design yahoo, but this is really cool:
The multibillion-dollar Large Hadron Collider will explore the tiniest particles and come ever closer to re-enacting the big bang, the theory that a colossal explosion created the universe.
The machine at CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, promises scientists a closer look at the makeup of matter, filling in gaps in knowledge or possibly reshaping theories.
OK, I’ll admit that part’s boring. The cool stuff is in this linked article:
Evans’ ambitions, however, have brought widespread concern among scientists who say the experiment could create a shower of unstable black holes inside the Earth, and subsequently bring destruction to the planet.
“Nothing will happen for at least four years,” retired German Otto Rossler told the Mail. “Then someone will spot a light ray coming out of the Indian Ocean during the night and no one will be able to explain it.”
I mean, is this awesome, or what? You’ve got this humongous light ray coming out of the Indian Ocean, like a flare sent up to other planets saying, “How come you didn’t warn us about this?” And that means, I presume, a big hole in the bottom of the sea, cut by this little black hole that’s chewing everything up like Pacman down inside the earth’s core.
What happens then? Obviously, the water has to go down the hole.
So you’ve got all the water in the Indian Ocean, swirling clockwise* down the drain, like a giant toilet bowl.
Tell me you wouldn’t pay to see that.
The other cool thing is that the Europeans are doing it! It’s Swiss guys and Englishmen and people with funny accents (and, no doubt, underground bunkers, evil henchmen and little fluffy lap dogs that they carry everywhere) executing this massive screw-up.
That means that when the world ends, it won’t be America’s fault!
See! I told you so!
*I actually don’t know whether the water swirls clockwise or counterclockwise in that hemisphere. In fact, I don’t even know which way it swirls in this hemisphere.
I know the feeling
I got a chuckle out of this picture from Mary Rose Rybak at First Things.