Forgiveness and Irony

As regular readers are aware by now, I am always correct when I predict the future.** This is not because I possess a spiritual gift or great wisdom, but because I’m the only person alive whose insanity perfectly matches reality.

Conservatives are all wondering about the same thing these days. “What will the Democrats do when their Stimulus Program crashes and burns? Will they admit defeat and try something sensible?”

No, of course not. This is what the Democrats will do, when unemployment is above 10% and large populations are living in tents and standing in food lines:

They will arrest former Pres. Bush and former VP Cheney, accuse them of high crimes and misdemeanors, and convene highly publicized show trials. The proceedings will be broadcast on large outdoor screens, for the benefit of those who no longer own TVs. A huge public relations campaign will be launched, for the purpose of amplifying public hatred toward Bush and Cheney.

This will be the circus which (along with government bread) will, they will hope, divert people from the failure of the Stimulus.

Once that’s over, they’ll take a page from FDR’s book and find a war to fight.

*If you’re too young to remember Li’l Abner, this reference will mean nothing to you. You should be ashamed of yourself.

**Except when predicting presidential elections.

The upper middle class can’t live in New York on $500,000. As almost sickening as that is, I still say government should not limit any private salary. They can set the pay for government jobs, and that’s it. They can offer government employees good health care, but keep it at that. They can set up IRAs for their people, but please don’t force me to invest in the government’s plan.

A new planet has been discovered somewhere visually near the Big Dipper with temperatures spiking to 2,240 degrees. It’s about four times the size of Jupiter. According to Gregory Laughlin, an astronomy professor at the University of California at Santa Cruz:

When it comes closest to its star, it becomes one giant “brewing storm” complete with shock waves, Laughlin said. The radiation bombarding the planet is 800 times stronger than when it is farthest away.

Then just as quickly, the planet slingshots away and radiates the heat to the cool vacuum of space. It glows cherry red and the temperature plummets, Laughlin said. “Utterly bizarre.”

Telescopes have seen what appears to be red beings with pitchforks wading through fiery lakes and posting vacancy signs.

In related news, another hot planet has been found, and astronomers are arguing over it’s size and significance.

If you find this fascinating, NASA wants your opinion on where to look next. You could win a photo of mysterious object you choose, something like this I’d imagine: A Black Hole Overflows From Galaxy Centaurus A. That’s awesome.

Since I’m on a roll here, Continue reading Space News: Hell Discovered →