Today is the day many retailers anticipate going into the accounting black, meaning all of the red ink of deficit spending will be removed by the black ink of profit. But in the middle of “the worst economy in 50 years” or whatever the propagandist said last time around, will we spend much today or this weekend? I’ve wondered if consumer debt has raised retail expectations unrealistically so much that responsible spending will be labeled a disappointing cut back. We’ll have to see.

Reports say most people will spend just as much as last year. And if that’s so, Blue Crab Boulevard wants to snap a few photos. “. . . take a picture of your local mall’s parking lot. Send them here,” he says, “. . . with info on when and where you took the picture and I’ll post them. Take some pictures of your local restaurant parking lots as well.” With these photos, BCB plans to counter the dark news from major media outlets.

But fear not, news reader, because reporters will always be able to say expectations were not met and though today may have been pretty good for retailers, it was not enough. Dark days ahead for sure.

No brief season of gratitude can avert the need to confront our enemies on a battlefield. Lars, is that you in the second lineup with the red shield?

Since I’m not embedding the video in this post, let me give you a bit of combative dialogue, taken from Lars’ “favorite” author, Henrik Ibsen.

ORNULF. Give place, Viking!

SIGURD (turns, lays his hand on his sword, and answers:) ‘Twere the

first time if I did!

ORNULF. Thou shalt and must! I have need of the shelter for my

stiff-frozen men.

SIGURD. Then must outlaws be highly prized in Helgeland!

ORNULF. Dearly shalt thou aby that word!

SIGURD. Now will it go ill with thee, old man!

Fight! Fight!

Gave blood tonight, for the first time since last January. I’m happy to report that my anemia is a thing of the past (“Your hemoglobin level is excellent,” said the technician). Still don’t know what caused that, though I insist that it’s the fault of the CPAP machine I was using back then. My doctor says there’s no way that could happen, but I didn’t achieve my present state of physical perfection by listening to doctors.



As a cultural conservative, I have the deepest reverence for the wisdom of our ancestors.

Which does not mean that our ancestors were not, from time to time, morons. Darwin aside, sometimes stupid people do get to pass their genetic patterns along, and some of those morons must have been the ancestors who designed this knife-and-fork set. It’s on offer from Museum Replicas, Ltd., the first stop of every historical reenactor who isn’t rich. They sell some quite good, inexpensive, Indian-made swords and armor, and a lot of banana squash. The knife and fork with built-in flintlock pistols comes, I think we can all agree, under the rubric of banana squash.

However, the original sin doesn’t belong to Windlass Steelcrafts, the owners of Museum Replicas. It belongs to some 18th Century gunsmith who said, “Hey, wouldn’t it be a great idea to make a cutlery set that, aside from being extremely uncomfortable to hold, conveniently points both weapons at your own body while you’re eating?” (Although the web page doesn’t say it, the MR catalog plainly states that these things are based on a real-world set.)

Clearly that gunsmith never took an NRA firearms safety course.

The replicas, you’ll be happy to know, are non-firing.

I generally consider non-firing replicas beneath the dignity of an adult.

In this case, I consider the whole thing beneath the dignity of marmosets.