Reading

George McDonald Fraser’s last column

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Gaius at Blue Crab Boulevard links to a last opinion piece written by George McDonald Fraser, author of the brilliant Flashman series, who passed away this week. The more I read about Fraser himself (who also wrote the Michael York/Olver Reed film version of The Three Musketeers, one of my favorite movies), the less guilty I feel about enjoying the Flashman books.

The sex in the Flashman books always embarrassed me. But (it seems to me) the secret of the Flashman stories is that you’re not supposed to like Flashman. He’s a coward and a hypocrite and a goat. But the “flashy” action of his adventures is a medium for conveying a lot of solid information about the whole business of British Colonialism in the 19th Century. And there’s a moral lesson too, it seems to me. Harry Flashman does indeed die “a thousand deaths,” and suffers considerably more than the “idiotic” heroes he disdains, who die with their faces to the enemy.

Goofing

I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Sheesh, you people have no sense of humor

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Everybody seems to be talking about the Iowa Primaries today, wondering how the cold weather will affect turnout.

This is nonsense. In general (there are exceptions) there are only two temperatures in winter, up here in the northern plains—colder than yesterday, and warmer than yesterday. Today is warmer than yesterday, so cold shouldn’t be a factor.

What, you ask, is the significance of the Iowa Caucuses?

The answer is simple—none at all. As all informed people know, nothing of any importance of any kind has ever happened in Iowa. Iowa is like a square-shaped force field that sucks significance out of everything that crosses its borders.

Full disclosure—I have Iowa roots. Both of my father’s parents were children of first-generation Norwegian immigrants who settled in Iowa, then relocated to Minnesota in the 1910s (for the sake of the children, I have no doubt). Even when I was a kid, forty or fifty years later, people still referred to us as “the Iowa folks” in my home town (I think that counts as hate speech nowadays). I also attended two colleges in Iowa, one of which I liked.

Nevertheless, the tragic fact remains that speaking of important events in Iowa is like talking about monsoons in the Sahara, or thoughtful Hollywood actors. It’s an oxymoron. Tonight’s exercises will give Iowans a short-lived feeling of being in the spotlight, and they’ve got it coming, heaven knows. But when the winners tell you they’ve got momentum, remember they’re talking about a state whose greatest claim to fame is that it’s the birthplace of Capt. James T. Kirk.

Who doesn’t even exist.

But they don’t know that in Iowa.

UPDATE: Just to let you know, I probably won’t post tomorrow evening. I have an appointment to give blood, and then there’s a Viking Age Society meeting, so my time will be tight.

Do not believe any rumors that I’ve been kidnapped by Iowan terrorists. There is no truth whatever to that rumor. And I’m being very humanely treated.

Fiction, Non-fiction, Publishing

Coming Soon to a Bookshelf Near You

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Buzz Girl has news on a few new books coming out this year. Here are ones I found interesting.

  • The U.S. Poet Laureate has a book of poems coming in April.

  • Buzz Girl writes about Ursula K. Le Guin’s new novel, “Unlike anything Le Guin has done before, this is an imagining of Lavinia, the king’s daughter in Vergil’s Aeneid, with whom Aeneas was destined to found an empire.”

  • She says there will be a marketing splash made by Master of the Delta by Thomas H. Cook, a “literary mystery by a writer’s writer.” I haven’t heard of Cook, but I’m interested in literary mysteries and strong writing.

  • She reports “HarperOne is the new identity for HarperSanFrancisco, publishing books on religion, spirituality and personal growth.” They have a couple books on politics and faith or religion coming soon. First, Jim Wallis thinks he’s gotten something to say in The Great Awakening: Reviving Faith & Politics in a Post-Religious Right America. I don’t care if the “religious right” label goes the way of the world, but if Wallis thinks the country has rejected conservative faith as exercised in government, he needs to get around more.

  • Second from HarperOne is God in the White House: A History–1960-2004: How Faith Shaped the Presidency from John F. Kennedy to George W. Bush by Randall Balmer. Could be interesting.

  • Bart Ehrman, author of Misquoting Jesus, continues to criticize his Creator and display his twisted faith in secondary sources with a new book, God’s Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question–Why We Suffer. Perhaps this one will inspire several response books too, just as his other one did.

In other news, Andrew Kalvan’s next book is coming this summer. Empire of Lies deals with a man with strong faith and a solid family who came from a violent life which comes back to haunt him. He is thrown into “a murderous conspiracy only he can see and only he can stop—a plot that bizarrely links his private passions to the turmoil of a world at war.”

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Don’t put your tongue on the lock in this weather

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To all you southerners who are sharing this delightful cold snap with us, let me just say, “Welcome to our world!” And let me remind you that Global Warming Is Your Friend. Burn some wood tonight. Take an unnecessary trip in an SUV. Stock up on incandescent light bulbs. If we all work together, we can make this a better—and more temperate—world.

It’s supposed to be warmer tomorrow, though. And above freezing by the weekend.

See, it’s working!



I was going to tell you about my niftiest Christmas present. My brother Baal, from boyhood, has had a remarkable gift for finding good presents for people. I can only attribute this to his actually paying attention to other people’s wants and tastes. This has always made me suspect he was adopted.

This is what he gave me this year. I knew what it was the moment I opened the package, and my heart leaped up, because I’d wanted one of these for some time:

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It’s a Viking padlock, based (according to my internet research) on an archaeological find from Ireland. They came in much more elaborate styles, but this bare-bones model is fairly easy to explain. In the picture above, it’s locked. You can see the key, with its square-holed business end, resting on top of the locking arm.

This is how it looks opened:

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As you can see, the lock actually has three parts. The locking pin engages with the end of the locking arm, and the spring holds the pin in place. The key is pushed over the pin (as shown above), and compresses the spring to unlock it and allow the pin to be removed. Simple, and secure enough for general purposes.

It was made by a friend of Baal’s, who blacksmiths as a hobby. I hope to have him make me a new latch for my Viking chest, to go with this lock, if I find I can afford it.

Authors, Poetry

Freneau’s Heroes at Eutaw Sprtings

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American poet Philip Freneau was born on this date in 1752. Since I know little about Freneau, I thought I’d post this link and point to his poem “Eutaw Springs,” spotlighted today on Bartleby.com. It’s one of those salutes to the fallen, heroes of America’s War of Independence who wrestled with their enemy at great cost.