The latest from the guy who brags about his test score

Today, as I sat in my newly repainted light blue office, it occurred to me to wonder, “What happened to my calendar?”

I’d had a calendar over my desk, and I’d taken it down and set it on a table out in the library before the painting began. But I brought all that stuff back in on Monday. Where was the calendar? It wasn’t a small calendar. It wasn’t likely to be hidden under a pile of papers.

I turned things over, off and on, for a couple hours.

At last I looked up, and noted that I’d already pinned the calendar on the wall.

Sometimes you hear of geniuses like Einstein, who got so caught up in deep thinking that they just lost track of the world around them.

I hope I’m one of those. Because otherwise I need a keeper.

My natal day

Today is my birthday. (By a strange coincidence, I had one on the same date last year.) So far it’s been pretty good, by the standard of my birthdays.

I consider it a birthday gift from God that three Norwegians came to the bookstore today. An elderly gentleman in the party engaged me in conversation, speaking VE-RY SLOW-LY so I could understand him. That was pleasant, and they even bought some things.

And the crew at work bought me a cake for afternoon break, and signed a card. Good cake, too. Tonight I treated myself to half a small Domino’s sausage pizza (they’re knocking half off the price of any pizza ordered online this week. Doubtless just for me).

I also got an e-mail from a guy in Russia, who claimed to be a fan and asked for an autographed book plate for his copy of Wolf Time, and a photo. I can’t figure out a way for this to be a scam, so I’ll be spreading the joy to the eastern hemisphere as well.

And to top off my indulgence, I’ll post my book trailer, because it’s my birthday and you have to humor me.

Does This Platform Make Me Look Talentless?

Mike Duran remarks on The Weekly Standard article on J. Mark Bertrand and his Roland March novels. Jon Breen had written of Bertrand’s limited audience because his books are published by Bethany House. Duran asks, “So how does being a religious publisher limit the reach of an author’s audience? Well, it doesn’t… unless you write sci-fi, epic fantasy, ethnic fiction, espionage, horror, literary, or crime fiction.” He says Bertrand’s books deserve a large readership, but perhaps this publisher doesn’t know how to market them.

I’m not sure I understand what’s missing. Is it simply that if it doesn’t sell in a Christian bookstore to a primary audience of white women, Christian publishers don’t know what else to do with it?

The good, the bad, and the manipulative

I came up with a one-liner today that is, in my opinion, hilarious. It’s so good that I’m positive somebody else must have come up with it first.

“I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.”

Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.

My big entertainment, over the weekend, was watching all three Man With No Name movies on Blu-ray. I’ve had a Blu-ray player for several months now, but I didn’t actually own a Blu-ray movie. Finally I noticed that Amazon was selling a set of all three Eastwood spaghettis for about twenty-five bucks, so I sent away for them.

Consumer report: I enjoyed the movies very much, as I always do. But I realized more than ever before – I suppose it’s inevitable as I grow older – that there is no moral value in them whatever. I first encountered the term “moral holiday” in a review of a James Bond movie when I was a teenager, and that conception applies just as well to Sergio Leone’s westerns. They’re works of art, and sometimes breathtaking. But they do not know good from evil.

They think they do. I’m sure director Leone thought he was teaching a moral lesson to the world with his works. He loved westerns – it’s apparent in every frame – but he did not love America. Part of the mystique of the spaghetti western was the suggestion that these movies were more honest than the older movies. The old movies had sugar-coated the hard truth, turning gunfighters into boy scouts. But now we could see the true motivations – hatred, revenge, and especially pure greed.

In fact this was no more realistic than the earlier westerns. If the traditional American oaters romanticized the cowboy and the shootist, the Italian westerns imposed on them a purely modern, amoral sensibility. You can see that in the frequency of violence against women in the Italian movies. In the real American west, violence against women (at least white women) was among the chief taboos. These were Victorians, after all, not members of the Manson family.

But Leone knew how to make a film, and he hired one of the greatest geniuses in film music, Ennio Morricone, to do the sound tracks. The result is pure entertainment, the kind of alteration of consciousness that only a master epic filmmaker can produce.

Just as Leone “tore the mask” off the American cowboy, I shall here tear the mask off the moviemaker – moviemakers are manipulators. They always stack the decks, for good or ill. Understand that and you’re free to have a good time.

Applies equally to novelists, come to think of it.

Amazon is Not a Witch

Maybe Amazon is engaged in a price war, but maybe it’s just taking advantage of publishing dinosaurs who don’t want to understand what different people are willing to pay for real books.

“If the [publishing] industry can’t find a way to truly understand the new reality that has grown up around it,” writes Suw Charman-Adnerson for Forbes.com, it will never find a way to survive current and future changes. Key to this is understanding Amazon’s position in the market and what impact its behaviour actually has.”

She suggests Amazon is not sending the huntsman to cut the heart out of brick-and-mortar stores, but is merely playing its part in a real market. For more common sense on the real book market, see this post on Futurebook.

A semiotic breakthrough

Today I was back in my office, and it seemed strange to me, as if something essential about it had changed. Which was in fact the case. The walls were pink when I left, and now they’re blue.

I said it seemed strange; I didn’t say it was a surprise. Getting it painted while I was out was the plan from the beginning. Our school’s custodial staff did a bang-up job with it.

When I first took on the office of librarian and book store manager, almost the first thing they said was “We plan to get it repainted.” The lady who had been the first to use the office, when the new building was built and the library moved up from its basement quarters in the seminary, thought a darkish pink color would be a good choice. (I’m sure she called it something more technical, like Dusky Pink or Cream of Liver.) Nobody else I’ve spoken to since has concurred in that opinion.

But somehow the years passed without a change. I didn’t really chafe living with the color – interior decoration isn’t generally something that engages me – but when anybody brought it up I had to admit that I’d prefer something else. Still, repainting meant carrying all my junk out and then carrying it back in, which sounded like a lot of work.

But it’s done now. Now I’ve got a light blue office. I’ll have to think of a technical name for the color – Hypothermic Lips, maybe.

Amazon's Price War

The President is coming to my home town on Tuesday to speak at a new Amazon fulfillment plant about the middle class. I expect his speech will be akin to what he has been saying this week, what he calls “a better bargain for the middle class.” He told a Knox College audience:

I’ll lay out my ideas for how we build on the cornerstones of what it means to be middle class in America, and what it takes to work your way into the middle class in America: Job security, with good wages and durable industries. A good education. A home to call your own. Affordable health care when you get sick. A secure retirement even if you’re not rich. Reducing poverty. Reducing inequality. Growing opportunity. That’s what we need.

John Mutter suggests Amazon has a close relationship with the Obama administration, which may be the reason the president is speaking there, may be the reason they are upping the ante in their price war with bookstores. Yesterday, Amazon discounted several bestsellers even more than usual, 50-60% off retail, which industry insiders consider a declaration of war against offline booksellers. This may be the result of what Mutter says was a favorable resolution to the e-book case before courts this month. Amazon won out, when Apple’s efforts to change the model for releasing and pricing e-books failed.

Some people continued to worry that Amazon will price booksellers out of business, and so offline browsing and friendly recommendations will be go the way of the buggy cart. But I doubt that.

llibreria - bookstore - Amsterdam - HDR

Actually, writing this post is the most interesting thing I did today

The last day of my stay-cation. My big project was running around to hardware stores, looking for replacement furnace filters. Did not find what I needed. Bought one online instead, which probably worked out cheaper. But let the record show, I endeavored to support businesses in my community.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned that Baen has put my novel Wolf Time on sale again in e-book form. They promise to have it on Amazon soon. I’ll try to keep you posted.

Love that cover. It has nothing to do with the story, but it’s a great cover.

Screwtape's Letters in One Line Each

In college, my world literature professor introduced us to Shrink-lits, humorous little poems that sorta-kinda summarized important works like The Iliad, Hamlet, and Crime and Punishment. Now, Andy Naselli has summarized each of Screwtape’s letters in one sentence to the benefit of readers around the world. Now, if he could sum up each chapter of Anna Karenina, we would all be blessed.

Here are three from the list:

  • Make him live in the future rather than the present.
  • Encourage church-hopping.
  • Encourage gluttony through delicacy rather than excess.